22 September 2008

Life is what you make it......or is it??

I swear my brain must be swollen right now. So many thoughts running through it right now. It's like life has been dealing me a helluva hand for quite some time. Just when I thought I was headed toward more happy, blissful times...something serious and negative comes along. It's sad when you been through so much, that you look for something bad to happen when you're experiencing so much good. Yea, guess that just means I'm pessimistic. Wonder why!?!? Those close to me know alot of the more serious things I've gone through....my drama began around 1995..and slowly got worse and worse. 1997 was supposed to be MY year....Senior Prom, graduating high school, getting accepted into college, moving away to college, and starting my next phase of schooling....yea all of that happened...but so did the worse thing that has happened to me. It seems from that point on, I've just been through one thing after another. It's like bad luck is my FIRST NAME..forget middle name. It's crazy and I try not to dwell on it, but sometimes I think maybe I was a child abuser or something in a past life and I'm paying for it now or maybe a serial killer. The ultimate sinner...had to have been. I know that God only gives you as much as you can handle, and I have to admit that I am quite a strong person....but sometimes I am just like I don't know how much more I can stand. I have had a few very good spells since 1997...and a FEW is about all I can say.

Bring things up to 2006..9 years later and I feel as if things are turning around. I was at a high point. Enjoying life, family, friends, etc. And slowly as the year progressed....the "good life" began to fade. 2007...10 years curse apparently because this was a very hell filled year. Started out horrible...but my mood was brought up with the help of my family and friends because of my great bday outting. I will NEVER forget that bday. Limo, Pearl Lounge, VIP, broken chair, etc. But I also know that weeks before I was probably lower than I've ever been.

So I am leaving out specifics and details.....well that's how I get down. Yea this is a blog and yea I post my THOUGHTS but some things are better left unknown and unsaid. Those who need to know or needed to know...know what I'm talking about....and those who don't...sorry that you are clueless, but you will alright. :-) I've learned to go with the flow. I know people say alot of things that they don't really mean...like their standards aren't high or they are open minded and are some of the most closed minded people I know. I've changed my perspective on alot of things because I realized that I wasn't as open to new things as I would say that I was. Things that I said I would never deal with or associate myself with, I've tried to not be so 'petty' about.

I've just come to realize...you can't respect the good without going through the bad. I just wonder when the good will stick around for a fairly good time.

(I just realized this post was totally not where I was trying to go....but it'll do for now!!!) *sigh*

1 comment:

Ashlei said...

What I've learned through my past few years is this "if you claim it, you shall receive it." Claim happiness and positivity and keep your FAITH in God strong, and I PROMISE you blessings will overflow. From what I know of you, I know you a strong person, but it shows one of the two things, either you're not claiming the blessings God wants you to have or you're lacking faith, or maybe both, only you know that. Take care mama, claim and believe and things will turn around :)