17 December 2007
It's time to bring some attention
To an issue that I see a little too often
When individuals aren't true or real
Fake and phony til they're lying in coffins
See I've run into quite of few of you
Recently many more than I care to admit
Through long conversations filled with lies
I've had to force myself to sit
You thought you were running game
That I was stupid enough to believe
You had me under your little spell
And that from you I'd never leave
I let you keep telling those tall tales
And keep spitting out those fibs
I let you think you meant the world to me
With my goodies you had first dibs
But guess what, my friend, you got it twisted
I'm not as stupid as you may think
I've been stringing you along just as long
To see how long it would take for you to sink
It took a little longer then expected
But it happened nonetheless
When your stories got paperthin
And you couldn't pass my test
See I knew you couldn't keep up with the questions
And things just didn't add up right
If only you had stepped it up a notch
And kept all your stories tight
I wish it didn't have to come to this
And that your falsehood I didn't have to expose
But I'm getting tired of playing along in this wack game
It's getting kinda of old and everybody knows
I let you think I was falling for it
And I let you think that I was actually that weak
That you made me blush and had me open
Every time that I heard you speak
You thought I felt you were the one for me
I held my heart out to only you
That if I didn't have you in my life
I would not know what to do
Like my life was centered around you
And that you were the only ONE
That you made my life complete
And that if I had you with me, I was done
I'm sorry to have to set things straight this way
But your whole persona just wasn't legit
Yet you wonder why I never gave you my heart;
Cuz I knew you wasn't worth sh**!
04 November 2007
So it's already November, and I'm looking back at 2007 and I'm really not liking it. Things in my life were starting to really come together and look up in 2006. That was one of the best years I've had...prior to 1997 when my life was turned upside down...over and over and over again. Those very close to me know what started the drama in that year...now 10 years later....it's almost as bad. Not quite as bad, but very close to it. I did have a couple of good months then...but oh no..this year....my year started out terrible. Once again, life altering news/events took place. I had to be reminded and remind myself that God only gives you as much as you can handle and I know everything happens for a reason. I've truly learned alot about myself this year and alot of other people close to me. I learned that certain individuals that I didn't think cared, really and truly do. I learned that I have some really greats friends. I also learned that a few people that I considered my friends....yall ain't shit. You know who you are!!! You sit here saying how things will be the same or won't change or you will be there for someone...and the next minute you are all of a sudden missing in action, unavailable, and can not be contacted. It's all good though. Believe me, it's people like YOU that I do NOT need in my life.
LOCATION....I'm moving...again..it's been almost 2 years..that I've sat still. SHOCKING!!!! I'm glad to be moving though...for SOOOO many reasons. For one, certain people can't find me unless I want to be found. Sick of apartment living....I'm about ready to bust up a few neighbors. And of course, Jigga needs a yard.
THOUGHTS...So as 2008 approaches, I'm gonna change my mindset a little. I'ma start looking out for me. Stop putting myself out there for the benefit of others. Apparently I value them more than they value me. If you not fam or those FEW close friends, that know I have their back, then for real, for real....don't EXPECT alot out of me next year. I can't depend on you...then don't TRY to depend on me. I know I'm a good person, and in the end, I will be rewarded for that. I don't want anything from anybody. It's not the common person that I have to answer to.
WORK....works been good in 07...that I can say. Alot of drama went down at the job place, but that happens. I did get a promotion and some more paper. Thank god for that. I also got a new part time and will probably get another one. What can I say!?!? I'ma workaholic and I love money....and im super independent. So I do what I have to do to get MYSELF what I want. I don't want to ask or need to ask anyone for ANYTHING. I want to do things for myself.
RELATIONSHIPS....there were a few guys that had potential in `07. I never expressed it really, but it was there. As the year draws to a close and I've kinda dealt with them a bit....I dunno. I don't think I'm on the same level with any of them right now. I like to say I'm 'not looking'...because I hate that term 'looking'...like you are just son the hunt and seeking out something. I'ma 'whatever happens happens' kinda person. But nothings gonna happen when everybody on some "I'm not trying to get in a relationship right now" kinda mode. I was there most of the year myself....but I'm knocking on 29's door...and it reallllyyy doesn't look like a child before 30 is truly in my future.
HIM......same ol bullshit. Still taking it day by day. It definitely is what it is. Not really sure what's really going on right now as it's been a minute. I hope everything is okay, but I've pretty much realized.....it's never gonna be that fate/fairy tale that we always said it was.
LIFE....I did slow up on the going out toward the middle of `07. I had the best birthday EVER this year. THANKS TO MY GIRLZ!!!! It's gonna be hard to top it, but I'ma damn sure try. I'm trying to stay busy and that is something that will definitely carry on to `08.
So as the end of 07 draws closer, I realize that it's been a trying and learning year. I've lost a few SO-CALLED friends along the way, but better sooner than later. I'ma still be me. I'ma be even MORE honest next year, so I'll probably lose a few more along the way, but it's all good. I don't need them in my corner anywayz. DEAD WEIGHT!!! 2007 has educated me ALOT on ALOT of things. I just hope 2008 is better.
22 July 2007
13 May 2007
Thought for today: Letting go of the past, will make for a much better future.
No more waiting around for people to grow up and come to their senses. Waiting around for people to appreciate me and the things I've said and done for them. My life has changed, but it's not over. To all those who have caused me pain/hurt or THOUGHT that you did....you are forgiven but best believe those wrong doings are not forgotten. I still know that being honest is the best way and I will continue to be honest when it counts. Lies feed on lies...and I don't have the time or patience to keep up with lies. I still keep other people before me....and I look out for others..even when they don't look out for me....so letting go of the past...is something I will do. Some people will come around and others won't. To those that don't....it's been real. You'll need me before I need you. Best believe!!!!
05 April 2007
Current mood: pissed off
There are certain things that people who know me know I just can't stand. Nobody should. Things that I don't know why people do them. For instance, lying is a big issue with me anywayz...but why do people lie when there is nothing to gain from the lie. I can see lying to get out of doing something or to gain something...but to just tell lie after lie just to hear yourself talk. I can't stand that s**t. I swear more and more I been dealing with that.
Next....being inconsiderate. People must not think that other people's time, money, or efforts are of value to them. I know mine is, so don't waste my time. If you know something has changed, will change, etc....let me know. Don't have me missing out, waiting around, etc because you don't have the decency or the common sense to hit me up to say something. Yea I might be a bit upset because things changed...but I gotta respect the fact that I have been given ADVANCE notice of the change. But best believe, if I gotta deal with drama or I could've done something else with my time, money, or efforts but I was basing my actions on something you said you were gonna do or need...and then you don't come through on your end.....IM GOING TO BE HEATED!!!! Especially when you KNOW I hate the s**t. It's not funny..it's not a game. Don't waste my time or yours...seriously. I have things to do or that I can do instead of waiting around for dead weight.
Playing games in general. Please don't think I'm stupid, because I am not. Even when you athink I'm falling for it...I'm NOT! I'm a step ahead of you and probably beating you at your own game. BELIEVE THAT!
There are a few other things I can't stand...slow drivers, people who don't signal....but these 3 things have been going on in `07 kinda strong and felt I had to speak on it.
To those few of you who do not do these things or have NOT done these things. THANKS!!! That's why I keep you around!
20 March 2007
It's been 10 years......10 years since I wrote this..and 10 years since this day occurred (give or take 12 days).....but it still feels fresh on the brain. So I'm reposting this poem (as well as a few others from my past).....keeping the thoughts alive!!!
Day I Won't Forget
It was a day that started great
And ended very wild
No day like this ever existed for me
Not even as a child
The events of the day
Really started years before
Because of certain circumstances
That left alot of hearts sore
The love had been so great then
Before the year of change
When lives were destroyed
When thoughts and feelings got rearranged
On this day alot of feelings
Were lost and seemed not there
Because of the letter I wrote 2 months ago
It might've appeared I didn't care
Two months we hadn't spoken
But I saw you the day before
As me and my homegirl were cruising
And we passed by the store
Had I known then
What would go down this night
When asked if I wanted to stop
I wouldn't have said "nah, that's aight"
But this day I was hangin out
New friends I was making
But around eleven o'clock at night
I learned, your own life you had taken
People say I'm holding it all in
Because I've never cried
"You two were so close"
But my feelings I didn't hide
Some things we can not change
Like to whom we are born
So we must accept what happens
And keep moving on
19 March 2007
Just a little something I wrote...written BY me and needs to stay that way. Its copyright protected biznitches...so let me find it elsewhere...and best believe...there will be penalties to pay. Anyhow...please post your comments and also help me come up with a title. Whoever has the best title...uhhhh I'll come up with some kinda prize. LOL
UNTITLED (as of right now)...
Where do I begin, explaining all the things that are on my mind
From the future that I want to make with you, to the things I want to leave behind
The feelings that I have are strong and I don't want to hold them back
Because if you don't go after what u want, you'll never know…my mama taught me that
See you're the kind of guy that I could see myself with for the rest of my life
Take trips around the world, hold each other down, and be your perfect, devoted wife
But being with me, you must understand that there are certain things you must know
Life has dealt me a helluva hand, and there's plenty more game to go
See my King of Spades turned out to be the Big Joker and that caused a lot of pain
This Queen of Hearts tunked out and had to start all over again
Yea life is like a game but know that I am not to be played
Many thought that was a good idea, biggest mistake they ever made
I know everybody has their issues…that's definitely nothing new
It takes true love, understanding, devotion, and compassion to make it through
But from the first time I set eyes on you, I knew you were who I wanted to be with
They say there's no such thing as "love at first sight", shit….I know that it's not a myth
Spending time with you for some reason is different, I feel mad comfortable and safe
Like I can let my guard down and that in me you have faith
I don't know if I am the total package of the type of girl that you desire
But you definitely fit the mold for my perfect man, and it's you that I admire
Not checking for nobody else, determined to make you mine
Hoping you can look past my imperfections and give me a little bit of your time
Let me show you why I'm worth a shot, I'll only need 1 attempt
To prove to you I am the perfect 1 for the job and make the other applicants exempt
28 February 2007
03 February 2007
Alot of times doing the right thing is often times the hardest option. But it's the BEST thing to do. Despite the immediate consequence(s)....it'll make you feel better deep down inside instead of letting it eat at your soul and well being. If others can't appreciate you for doing what's right, then they will have to deal with that on their conscience...not you. Especially if you are looking out for them in the process and not for selfish reasons.
So doing the right thing .... is right....right!?!?