You Should've Been Yourself

This is an ORIGINAL poem written by moi. It better stay that way:


It's time to bring some attention
To an issue that I see a little too often
When individuals aren't true or real
Fake and phony til they're lying in coffins

See I've run into quite of few of you
Recently many more than I care to admit
Through long conversations filled with lies
I've had to force myself to sit

You thought you were running game
That I was stupid enough to believe
You had me under your little spell
And that from you I'd never leave

I let you keep telling those tall tales
And keep spitting out those fibs
I let you think you meant the world to me
With my goodies you had first dibs

But guess what, my friend, you got it twisted
I'm not as stupid as you may think
I've been stringing you along just as long
To see how long it would take for you to sink

It took a little longer then expected
But it happened nonetheless
When your stories got paperthin
And you couldn't pass my test

See I knew you couldn't keep up with the questions
And things just didn't add up right
If only you had stepped it up a notch
And kept all your stories tight

I wish it didn't have to come to this
And that your falsehood I didn't have to expose
But I'm getting tired of playing along in this wack game
It's getting kinda of old and everybody knows

I let you think I was falling for it
And I let you think that I was actually that weak
That you made me blush and had me open
Every time that I heard you speak

You thought I felt you were the one for me
I held my heart out to only you
That if I didn't have you in my life
I would not know what to do

Like my life was centered around you
And that you were the only ONE
That you made my life complete
And that if I had you with me, I was done

I'm sorry to have to set things straight this way
But your whole persona just wasn't legit
Yet you wonder why I never gave you my heart;
Cuz I knew you wasn't worth sh**!

2007 Wrap Up...a lil bit early

So it's already November, and I'm looking back at 2007 and I'm really not liking it.  Things in my life were starting to really come together and look up in 2006.  That was one of the best years I've had...prior to 1997 when my life was turned upside down...over and over and over again.   Those very close to me know what started the drama in that year...now 10 years later....it's almost as bad. Not quite as bad, but very close to it.  I did have a couple of good months then...but oh no..this year....my year started out terrible.   Once again, life altering news/events took place.  I had to be reminded and remind myself that God only gives you as much as you can handle and I know everything happens for a reason.  I've truly learned alot about myself this year and alot of other people close to me.  I learned that certain individuals that I didn't think cared, really and truly do.   I learned that I have some really greats friends. I also learned that a few people that I considered my friends....yall ain't shit.  You know who you are!!!  You sit here saying how things will be the same or won't change or you will be there for someone...and the next minute you are all of a sudden missing in action, unavailable, and can not be contacted.  It's all good though.  Believe me, it's people like YOU that I do NOT need in my life.   

LOCATION....I'm moving...again..it's been almost 2 years..that I've sat still.  SHOCKING!!!!  I'm glad to be moving though...for SOOOO many reasons.  For one, certain people can't find me unless I want to be found.   Sick of apartment living....I'm about ready to bust up a few neighbors.  And of course, Jigga needs a yard. 

THOUGHTS...So as 2008 approaches, I'm gonna change my mindset a little.  I'ma start looking out for me. Stop putting myself out there for the benefit of others.  Apparently I value them more than they value me.  If you not fam or those FEW close friends, that know I have their back, then for real, for real....don't EXPECT alot out of me next year.  I can't depend on you...then don't TRY to depend on me.  I know I'm a good person, and in the end, I will be rewarded for that.  I don't want anything from anybody.  It's not the common person that I have to answer to. 

WORK....works been good in 07...that I can say.  Alot of drama went down at the job place, but that happens.  I did get a promotion and some more paper.  Thank god for that.   I also got a new part time and will probably get another one.   What can I say!?!? I'ma workaholic and I love money....and im super independent. So I do what I have to do to get MYSELF what I want. I don't want to ask or need to ask anyone for ANYTHING.  I want to do things for myself.

RELATIONSHIPS....there were a few guys that had potential in `07. I never expressed it really, but it was there.  As the year draws to a close and I've kinda dealt with them a bit....I dunno.  I don't think I'm on the same level with any of them right now.  I like to say I'm 'not looking'...because I hate that term 'looking'...like you are just son the hunt and seeking out something. I'ma 'whatever happens happens' kinda person.  But nothings gonna happen when everybody on some "I'm not trying to get in a relationship right now" kinda mode.  I was there most of the year myself....but I'm knocking on 29's door...and it reallllyyy doesn't look like a child before 30 is truly in my future.

HIM......same ol bullshit.  Still taking it day by day.  It definitely is what it is.  Not really sure what's really going on right now as it's been a minute. I hope everything is okay, but I've pretty much realized.....it's never gonna be that fate/fairy tale that we always said it was.

LIFE....I did slow up on the going out toward the middle of `07.  I had the best birthday EVER this year.  THANKS TO MY GIRLZ!!!!   It's gonna be hard to top it, but I'ma damn sure try.  I'm trying to stay busy and that is something that will definitely carry on to `08.

So as the end of 07 draws closer, I realize that it's been a trying and learning year.  I've lost a few SO-CALLED friends along the way, but better sooner than later.  I'ma still be me.  I'ma be even MORE honest next year, so I'll probably lose a few more along the way, but it's all good.  I don't need them in my corner anywayz. DEAD WEIGHT!!!   2007 has educated me ALOT on ALOT of things.  I just hope 2008 is better.    

Even the strongest person on earth has weaknesses

 Why is it that there is that one person or maybe more than one, that no matter how they have wronged you or hurt you, you still will break down and do anything for them!?!?  I am not talking about family. I mean friend or someone 'close to you'.  I personally am a pretty stern person. I can't be phony to save my life. I have little tolerance for stupid sh*t and I don't have the patience for it. However, there have been situations in the past year or so dealing with other individuals that if it were me on the outside looking in, I'd tell 'me' to forget these individuals and go on with life. Instead, for some strange reason, I still feel the same as I did from jump and would give anything to assist or help out these certain people. There is really only 2 individuals specifically that I am referring to.  I don't know what it is.  Stupidity? Love? Respect?        It's SOMETHING!!!  I just can't figure it out.   

New Thoughts

Thought for today:   Letting go of the past, will make for a much better future.

   No more waiting around for people to grow up and come to their senses.  Waiting around for people to appreciate me and the things I've said and done for them.  My life has changed, but it's not over.   To all those who have caused me pain/hurt or THOUGHT that you did....you are forgiven but best believe those wrong doings are not forgotten.  I still know that being honest is the best way and I will continue to be honest when it counts.  Lies feed on lies...and I don't have the time or patience to keep up with lies.   I still keep other people before me....and I look out for others..even when they don't look out for me....so letting go of the past...is something I will do.    Some people will come around and others won't. To those that don't....it's been real.  You'll need me before I need you.   Best believe!!!! 

I don't have time for it..

Pet Peeves -- I don't have time for it...
Current mood: pissed off
Category: Life



There are certain things that people who know me know I just can't stand. Nobody should. Things that I don't know why people do them. For instance, lying is a big issue with me anywayz...but why do people lie when there is nothing to gain from the lie. I can see lying to get out of doing something or to gain something...but to just tell lie after lie just to hear yourself talk. I can't stand that s**t. I swear more and more I been dealing with that.

Next....being inconsiderate. People must not think that other people's time, money, or efforts are of value to them. I know mine is, so don't waste my time. If you know something has changed, will change, etc....let me know. Don't have me missing out, waiting around, etc because you don't have the decency or the common sense to hit me up to say something. Yea I might be a bit upset because things changed...but I gotta respect the fact that I have been given ADVANCE notice of the change. But best believe, if I gotta deal with drama or I could've done something else with my time, money, or efforts but I was basing my actions on something you said you were gonna do or need...and then you don't come through on your end.....IM GOING TO BE HEATED!!!! Especially when you KNOW I hate the s**t. It's not funny..it's not a game. Don't waste my time or yours...seriously. I have things to do or that I can do instead of waiting around for dead weight.

Playing games in general. Please don't think I'm stupid, because I am not. Even when you athink I'm falling for it...I'm NOT! I'm a step ahead of you and probably beating you at your own game. BELIEVE THAT!

There are a few other things I can't stand...slow drivers, people who don't signal....but these 3 things have been going on in `07 kinda strong and felt I had to speak on it.

To those few of you who do not do these things or have NOT done these things. THANKS!!! That's why I keep you around!

Day I Won't Forget (still haven't forgotten)

It's been 10 years......10 years since I wrote this..and 10 years since this day occurred (give or take 12 days).....but it still feels fresh on the brain. So I'm reposting this poem (as well as a few others from my past).....keeping the thoughts alive!!!

Day I Won't Forget

It was a day that started great
And ended very wild
No day like this ever existed for me
Not even as a child

The events of the day
Really started years before
Because of certain circumstances
That left alot of hearts sore

The love had been so great then
Before the year of change
When lives were destroyed
When thoughts and feelings got rearranged

On this day alot of feelings
Were lost and seemed not there
Because of the letter I wrote 2 months ago
It might've appeared I didn't care

Two months we hadn't spoken
But I saw you the day before
As me and my homegirl were cruising
And we passed by the store

Had I known then
What would go down this night
When asked if I wanted to stop
I wouldn't have said "nah, that's aight"

But this day I was hangin out
New friends I was making
But around eleven o'clock at night
I learned, your own life you had taken

People say I'm holding it all in
Because I've never cried
"You two were so close"
But my feelings I didn't hide

Some things we can not change
Like to whom we are born
So we must accept what happens
And keep moving on 

A poem that I wrote

Just a little something I wrote...written BY me and needs to stay that way.  Its copyright protected biznitches...so let me find it elsewhere...and best believe...there will be penalties to pay.   Anyhow...please post your comments and also help me come up with a title.  Whoever has the best title...uhhhh I'll come up with some kinda prize. LOL

 

UNTITLED (as of right now)...

 

Where do I begin, explaining all the things that are on my mind

From the future that I want to make with you, to the things I want to leave behind

The feelings that I have are strong and I don't want to hold them back

Because if you don't go after what u want, you'll never know…my mama taught me that

See you're the kind of guy that I could see myself with for the rest of my life

Take trips around the world, hold each other down, and be your perfect, devoted wife

But being with me, you must understand that there are certain things you must know

Life has dealt me a helluva hand, and there's plenty more game to go

See my King of Spades turned out to be the Big Joker and that caused a lot of pain

This Queen of Hearts tunked out and had to start all over again

Yea life is like a game but know that I am not to be played

Many thought that was a good idea, biggest mistake they ever made

I know everybody has their issues…that's definitely nothing new

It takes true love, understanding, devotion, and compassion to make it through

But from the first time I set eyes on you, I knew you were who I wanted to be with

They say there's no such thing as "love at first sight", shit….I know that it's not a myth

Spending time with you for some reason is different, I feel mad comfortable and safe

Like I can let my guard down and that in me you have faith

I don't know if I am the total package of the type of girl that you desire

But you definitely fit the mold for my perfect man, and it's you that I admire

Not checking for nobody else, determined to make you mine

Hoping you can look past my imperfections and give me a little bit of your time

Let me show you why I'm worth a shot, I'll only need 1 attempt

To prove to you I am the perfect 1 for the job and make the other applicants exempt

 

T.I. knew what he was talking about...

..when he said "U Don't Know Me". It's crazy how you think you know somebody and then something comes up or what not and their TRUE persona shines through. People talk a good game, walk a good one...but push come to shove...everything comes to light. But just like I might THINK I know someone...they obviously don't know ME either. People always trying to get over and think they are getting over, life is too short for the bull*ish*. I'm sick of having people in my corner just taking up space. You aren't doing either of us a favor by perpetrating. Be yourself. Got a problem with me, mine, or anything pertaining to me..then STEP! Don't think that I NEED you, because believe me... I don't. Life goes on, I'ma still inhale, exhale, eat, sleep, and shit...with or without you around. It's 2007 and people still on some immature, kiddie *ish*. Let's GROW up and act our ages people.

Doing right..

Alot of times doing the right thing is often times the hardest option.  But it's the BEST thing to do.  Despite the immediate consequence(s)....it'll make you feel better deep down inside instead of letting it eat at your soul and well being. If others can't appreciate you for doing what's right, then they will have to deal with that on their conscience...not you. Especially if you are looking out for them in the process and not for selfish reasons.            

So doing the right thing .... is right....right!?!?