10 October 2016

2016...New Year. New Lessons. New Life.

I can't believe it's been almost a year since my last entry. Then again...yes I can. LOL Life, love, all that good stuff got in the way but I think it's time I came back. Writing has always been my outlet and it's always been my way to "vent" or get my feelings out as my words and intent seem to always be misunderstood. I've been utilizing the people around me to handle situations and get advice, to talk things out and get perspectives from another side, but lessons have been learned and I guess it's time to change. I guess the things I expect and appreciate from others I feel as though people close to me should also, but I was wrong. Caring too much and going too hard isn't looked upon as helpful anymore I guess. So I'll stay mute and write my thoughts to myself and the random readers of my blog to ingest. More and more I'm learning that nobody goes as hard for me as me. More and more I wish I could just pick up and start fresh elsewhere. Leave nothing but the memories here. My thoughts at times are all over the places, both good and bad. As I fight hard to keep back the bad thoughts, I realize what I do have and I'm grateful and thankful. I'm blessed. Regardless of the bad things that I endure pretty much daily. The hurt I encounter for just trying to do RIGHT. The "work" I put in that goes unappreciated. Nobody truly knows but me. Holding shit in isn't healthy but I guess it's time I go back to guarded, closed off Toya. In the end, it works out better for me! Me, myself, and & I.....100% loyal. Can't go wrong with these 3. The year wrap up post is coming soon. It's been a pretty positive year honestly but it's ending with the bullshit. I think the winter will be hell (not looking forward to it). Work is crazy, life is crazy, my relationships with certain people are now crazy,.....oh life. You throw hurdles at me all the time, but just know that I'm a professional jumper. What you will not do is STOP me. I'm in the race for the long haul....I'm still running...just waiting the be passed the baton. I will not LOSE! Whatever is meant to be for me, will be. Love, friends, career, goals, life...taking a step back and letting God be the driver. He's always had the keys, I've just been using the spares.

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