Where did the year go!?!?

So I really haven't blogged since the end of 2016. Terrible. I thought I had at least did an entry or two. Ahh well! It's that time again to talk about my year. 2017. This was an interesting year to say the least. It was good for the most part but then it just turned to total CRAP!!! I had many tests. Between life, relationship/friendship, health, work.....it was a whirlwind of both emotion and action. Some relationships got stronger and others took a nose dive. But hey, that's life. I learned alot about myself and others in 2017. I'm wayyyyy more emotional now than I've been in the past. Guess it's time to not be such a hard rock when I'm really a gem right!?!?! LOL So many highs and lows this year. The lows were few but they were SOOOO low they kind of outweigh the good. I felt the worst kind of hurt ever. I felt vulnerable and unsafe. I felt exposed and scared. These aren't things I've used to describe me or my life ever. It's totally unfair to have to deal with any of it due to the unselfish and disloyal actions of another. Someone who is supposed to LOVE you and PROTECT you, yet be the biggest source of putting you in harms way. I never understand how anyone can LOVE someone and then destroy them or hurt them SO deep. How does love allow you to do that??!? I don't claim to have the strongest conscience but if I genuinely love and care for someone, I just CANNOT and WILL NOT do you dirty. Even if it's not intentional ... if there is a chance of hurting them I just will not do whatever it is. Especially not for some selfish, self gratifying temporary reason. That's foolish and CRAZY to say the least. It's cowardly. It's STUPID. It's unfair and it's WRONG! I believe wholeheartedly in KARMA. It always comes back. When you least expect it, it comes back. The karma of screwing over good people is a beast. I'm not perfect by any means but I do know that I am loyal. I'm super honest. Honesty has caused me to lose so called friends etc...but I don't care. I'm still going to keep it 100. You either respect the honesty or hate me for it. That's fine too. But I will never sugarcoat or misinform someone I care about when there is something they NEED to know and be warned about. That's just me. That's exactly what I expect back. This year taught me to only open up to a couple people. It's hard to hold things inside and you have to talk to SOMEBODY but all ears aren't helping ears. Some are just nosey and don't really have your best interest at heart. I pray 2018 is a year of minimal lows. No more hurt, pain, tears, and just plain CRAZY!!! Nothing worse than living what you think is your BEST life. Being "HAPPY" for the first time in a long time and realizing it was all a farce. Your reality wasn't real at all. That the wool had been pulled over your eyes for months. Things were just illusions....but then again...it was great. It was good. You were happy....but that's only because you didn't know everything that was happening around you. The manipulation. The deceipt. Life is so crazy. I try my best to stay positive now after being so pessimistic for YEARS. Every SINGLE time....I'm reminded of why I never just think positive. My smile gets ripped right away. My heart gets ripped in half. My happiness is snatched. The Happy Go Lucky rug is pulled right from underneath my feet. I'm left standing in the cold. Distraught. Hurt. Mad. Confused. Like damn, what kind of life did I lead in my past life?!?! A serial killer child molester dog abuser!?!? Sheesh. All I can do is continue to pray for the best. Not just for me but those in my life. I pray for their healing and brokenness that leads to destructive behavior that not only effects them but those around them and involved with them. I pray for a year of NEWNESS. HAPPINESS. I am so ready to have the life I dreamed of. The life I thought was beginning to surface. A happy life. A close to perfect life. Surrounded by nothing but genuine people. People with my best interest at heart. That I know without a doubt have my back and will have my back. Come on 2018....be GOOD! Be KIND!!! Don't let a sista down. I'm counting on you to erase all of the doubt and pain brought on by the madness in 2017. Although I shall forgive ....I will NEVER, EVER forget.