Time

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder , but time always allows for people to grow apart. Sometimes there is good reason to distance one's self from someone else. Whether it be a break, opportunity, disagreement, and sometimes it's just life. Moving on with your life sometimes means leaving others behind. People who do not contribute anything positive to your life or situation are people not necessary. Seasonal individuals are often in your life just for a short period of time...to serve some purpose and then they are gone. Often times this leaves a person feeling as if their time was wasted, but trust that it was not. This person might've showed you something within yourself that you didn't know. They might've given you some sort of life lesson about who and who not to deal with or how to handle certain things.

Time is something of importance to me. Being the impatient person that I am, I like to be ON time and I also don't like to feel that my time has been wasted. Those two things are a HUGE thing for me. I know that some things take time. You shouldn't RUSH into situations, relationships, agreements, etc. This I know....but I know that I value my time. Don't like to miss opportunities because someone else has agreed to use a certain "block" of time and because of this I turn down other offers for this time. A little consideration of others and communication is all it takes to make the difference between MAD/UPSET and understanding.

Time is precious and it should be treated as such. We don't know when our time will be up...so we have to make the most of the time we DO have!

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My Warning Label

People always ASSUME they know you or what you are about, however, if they aren't in your TRUE immediate circle then they are really making assumptions or going off of only what they do know or what someone else has told them. Well, if you want to know me in a nutshell..then know that I am HONEST. I look out for my FRIENDS. If I consider you a FRIEND and not an associate or someone to just hang out with to get out of the house (yep some people fall right into that category)...then know that I have your back. Nobody (not even ANOTHER "FRIEND")will have a pass to talk negatively about you in my presence. With that being said, my opinions and thoughts and actions are just that....MINE! I am not the president, GOD, a dictator, the Queen, etc. so I would hope that I do not have followers except on Twitter and those who "follow" this blog. I get accused of passing my opinions on others ALL the time. Crazy thing is, most of the time it's people who are older than me. Really? I didn't know I was that powerful that I can make someone do a total 180 about their feelings towards something or someone. And likewise, who my friends like, where they go, what they do, who they do.....that is on THEM. That does not mean that is how I roll or what I think. I am my own person. I live my own life and make my own decisions. If you don't like it...you don't have to deal with it. People I choose to have in my circle are MY choice. Trust and believe that I think out EVERYTHING that I do. I don't do anything just because it's the "in" thing to do....or because that's what one of my friends thinks/does...or because someone told me I should. Every decision I make is MY own and I take responsibility for each and every one of those decisions. I have a reason for doing the things I do. I look out for those who look out for me....shit on me...and get shitted on. I am not a "Tit for Tat" kind of person...instead I let the natural flow of things occur. I totally believe in Karma so I don't even have to retaliate. So if/when I chose to not ride with, be cool with, associate with, and/or discuss my life with certain individuals anymore....it's not because I just woke up and wanted to be a b***h that day. It's because I have reason to. It's 2011, and I'm done having negative/phony/immature/trifling people around me. If you aren't adding value to my life then you are being subtracted from it. Enough said. I have enough genuine people in my life that the loss of a FEW bad apples won't stop the harvest.

I'm not the most emotional person. I don't wear my feelings on my sleeve and because of this I probably come off harsh to those who do. I don't smile alot, unless I'm acting completely crazy around friends and fam which is what I enjoy doing. I like being around people who like to ENJOY themselves. Can't stand being around uptight, death of the party kind of individuals. The insecure need to keep it moving!

My life is changing ALOT these days...and definitely for the better. I've come to realize plenty of things within myself that I needed to change in order to achieve things I want to achieve. I've also come to realize that some things I thought I needed/wanted in my life, weren't really the business. All that glitters isn't gold and I believe some of these "wishful thoughts" were definitely gold plated. I'm ready for whatever life has in store for me. I've been through plenty of storms and rain, I feel that my rainbow is on its way!

20 Random Facts About Me!

These are 20 things that probably only my very very close friends and fam would know. Some are probably super duper crazy....but hey...that's me! :-)


20. I love horses!
19. I had an older sister. RIP Pamela Latrice Jones
18. I have 5 tattoos and I probably have about 4 more to come...at least.
17. I've traveled UP the East Coast...but Roanoke Rapids, NC is as far south as I've been.
16. I've never eaten lobster.
15. I've only been drunk 3 times in my 32 years.
14. I'm allergic to mosquito bites.
13. I got electrocuted by an electric fence playing Simon Says once. I won though!
12. I used to be pretty popular in the web design world. *I miss that hobby*
11. I like the smell of a burned out match! **crazy I know**
10. I love potatoes of any sort and could eat them every day (au gratin, mashed, fries, baked...)
9. I almost got arrested at Kings Dominion with my BFF! But we outran security.
8. Volleyball is my favorite sport.
7. I almost drowned when I was about 4 yrs old.
6. I've always wished that I could dunk a basketball.
5. "Achy Breaky Heart" by Billy Ray Cyrus used to be my jam! *don't judge me*
4. My brother named my dog "Jigga"...it has NOTHING to do with JayZ..im not a fan!
3. I still have 3 of my wisdom teeth. *strange...but only 1 was pulled*
2. I wear entirely too much black.
1. I despise the mall....in fact...I can't stand shopping!

Extra cash...no catch

Just a little something that I do from time to time to earn a few extra dollars. I am a avid reader and I NEVER read my books more than once. So they just sit on the shelf collecting dust. Well....that's what USED to happen...not anymore. I sell them here. Some books bring a bigger payout and of course some aren't accepted at all. You lose nothing. Even shipping is free via USPS. This is even upgraded with a big enough sell. Check it out! If you have books that are in decent condition that you want to get off your hands for a few dollars....this is the place to go!

All change isn't good!

Change when it's positive can be a wonderful thing! However, when a person changes (usually for all the wrong reasons) the outcome is very seldom a good one. For example, you shouldn't change for a potential mate. Be yourself....the TRUE you will surface at some point and all that you "worked" for will probably be lost. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't like YOU for you??? That's just a set up for failure. Other times people change or shall I say put up a FRONT for an extended amount of time, but again....the true characteristics and personality will always resurface in one way or another. I have the gift of "smelling" bulls**t a mile away! And I'm happy for this sense. I've noticed quite a few people falling short of who they say they are or claim they are lately. You can only be fraudulent for so long. I'm just glad I have seen the light. People have changed BACK to old ways and it's sickening! But hey....that chick KARMA....she handles all that kinda stuff. Best believe she might not get you right away, but she's coming for you. BELIEVE THAT!!!

Actions speak louder than words...

This is something we've all heard and probably all said and it SO true. Many people talk a good talk but never back up their words. Some truly do intend to do what they say, another portion just say it just because it sounds good or better than the truth so in their own minds they think they are protecting the other person(s) involved, and then you have those who are just plain full of it. Seriously...don't talk about it...BE about it! Nothing I hate (yea HATE)...more than someone who says they will do something and then don't. No warning, no update, nada... Also, don't say you feel a certain way but then your actions show otherwise. You care but everything you do is full of disrespect or negativity. I just don't get it. It's so much easier to keep it real than to try to live a lie. It takes lie after lie to continue a lie. It's so much easier to keep up with the truth. Very little thought involved. You call yourself a friend, yet you throwing people under the bus...you running your mouth...you causing chaos with other people about things that have nothing to do with you....you doing underminded/back handed things... SERIOUSLY!?!?! What part of the game is that? I'm not sure when being a friend consisted of some of the things so-called friends have done recently. Maybe Webster updated the definition in the dictionary and I didn't get the memo. What I do know is...it's alot of people that have it twisted.

True friends stab you in the front. ~Oscar Wilde

2011 --- I'm not having it. All the phoniness and backstabbing is in the way! I don't have time for lies and false promises of tomorrow. It's too much LIFE to live to have to deal with the unnecessary.... and "talk"...is unnecessary if it's not backed up.

End of the Year Wrap Up

So what do I have to say about 2010...personally it was a pretty good year for the most part. Every year seems to start a bit shaky for me and then level itself out and then toward the end of the year...more b.s. Maybe it's just the holidays. Who knows. I've learned alot about myself and even more about the people who have been around me. Some who WERE a part of my circle I guess you could say, some who ARE now in the circle, and some who just didn't make the cut. I've grown and changed alot in these 356 days. I've opened up more to the people close to me. I've done things I needed to do and wanted to do but made excuses for not doing them or just never had the motivation to do it. I've had alot of fun times in 2010. I can definitely say that. But with the good there is always some bad....for the new friendships and relationships came the dismissed friendships and relationship. There were stressful times that I never thought I'd get over. There was my accident in August in which I thought my car was totaled which would've been more drama that I needed at that time. Thankfully it wasn't..just $5000+ in damage. *sigh* But hey, that's what insurance is for. I seen people close to me lose their lives at a time most deem too soon. My cousin was almost one of them but thankfully God spared her and she is recovering at lightning speed. She's still here and not a day goes by that I'm not thankful for that or my own waking up to see another day.

Not only did 2010 provide me plenty of answers to things, but it also added to my confusion about certain other things. Just when I think I have it all figured out, something new rears it little head. Intuition kicks in. Curiosity springs up. More questions....less answers. I just go with the flow...that's all I can do. What's going to be will be. One thing I do not do...is dwell on things. No longer will I stress over the impossible, the unimaginable, the unthinkable, or the unknown. People are going to do what they want to do, when they want to do them. It would definitely be nice to have a clear answer and understanding to others motives and what they want....but sometimes it just doesn't happen like that. But hey...what can you do??? I'm going to do the only thing I can do... LIVE TOYA'S LIFE!!! Nobody else can...

I'm thinking 2011 will be a good one. No scratch that....I'm CLAIMING a good year in 2011. More fun..more family time...and most importantly..more doing things for me, myself, and I. I have neglected myself long enough to do for others. I'll still help those that I can when I can, but I have to do more looking out for me. I deserve it. I can always depend on me!

Happy Thanksgiving.....

First off I must say....d#@! those holiday texts sure are annoying. It used to be okay when I only got like 4 or 5. But now that I get about 20+ and my battery is already looking sad...I no longer get all hype about them. I don't respond anymore...sorry fam and friends. I'm not ignoring you or being an *itch*, I just get sick of replying to each and every one of you saying the same thing.

Secondly, I am thankful for all that I have and have had in my life. Not to mention what is yet to come. I am not only thankful today, but every day that I wake up on God's green Earth. I guess today is just the day we give it that special attention. I'd be here all day if I had to break down all that I am thankful for...being alive, a job, family, great friends, .... (not in that order). This has been a fairly good year for me. I am happy for that because last year had some serious moments. Don't get me wrong, there has been some hectic and trying times this year but on the whole I'd say 2010 has been pretty good for me. I've been traveling, been more positive, been seeing a lot of people for who they really are, been more open emotionally, and just been DOING ME! It took forever it seems, but I finally made a major move this year and did something I should've done so long ago. I am so happy I finally took that step. Well worth the wait and hopefully it leads to more happy moments in the near and distant future. This year I've stepped back from always doing for everybody else and took some time to do for me! Feels good to treat myself on the regular. I think that will definitely carry over to 2011. :-) I see a lot of big things happening next year (some that I already am aware of.....and others that are just some "wait and sees".) Either way.....if you ask me...I'm Ready!


So yea...I haven't gotten around to finishing up "I Wonder" but it'll be completed before the weekend is over. No post Thanksgiving holiday shopping for me, so I'll have time on my hands.

I Wonder....

So today it finally hit me....the motivation to write. I've had alot on my mind lately and I haven't really expressed it. I've mentioned a few things here and there to certain individuals but for the most part my thoughts have remained that.....just thoughts. So today's writing comes in the form of a poem. Yet another TRUE TO LIFE one at that. Each line represents a feeling pertaining to someone I know or have known in my life. This is MY work. Everything on this blog is under legal copyright. I am the legal copyright owner of all of the information on this blog, unless otherwise noted. No information on this entry or any other entry is to be used, reprinted, or reproduced without prior written consent from me.

:-) Ok, now that that is out of the way...you may proceed....


I WONDER

I wonder if she knows how much I appreciate all she does;
That without her teachings and her lessons, I might’ve stayed the hard head that I was.

I wonder if he knew that I still loved him despite all of the bad;
That I regret missing what ended up being the last opportunity that I had.

I wonder if she knows that she’s as close to me as a sis;
That all the good times and the laughs we had are very greatly missed.

I wonder if he knows that on THAT day he broke my heart;
By making a decision that impacted “us” and tore what was US apart.

I wonder if she knows that I just merely go along;
With all of her lies and falsehoods that flow out of her like a song.

I wonder if he knows about that crush that I once had;
One that I never acted on and now I’m kind of glad.

I wonder if he realizes that we are nothing more than friends;
That we can chill and hang out at times but then that’s where it ends.

I wonder if she realizes that he will never belong to her;
That she is wishing and waiting on something that never will occur.

I wonder if she knows that I admire her strength;
How she has overcome so much and that for her family she’d go to any length.

I wonder if he knows that he is the man of my dreams;
That it’s him I’d spend my whole life with….him –my King and I, his Queen.

I wonder if she knows that I have forgiven but will never forget;
The betrayal and hurt back then; our friendship having to be reset.

I wonder if she knows that none of us are fools;
That we know what’s really good, but we all just play it cool.

I wonder if he knows the potential that we could have had;
That things could’ve gone somewhere…it’s a shame that it went bad.

I wonder why people feel the need to boast, be extra, and explain;
If things were really the way you say…we wouldn’t have to hear it over and over again.




NOTE...this poem is not finished!! I probably should've waited to post it, but whatever. I couldn't wait. I have no patience. What can I say???? Oh..and maybe one day I'll release the names. LOL

So until next time..... to be continued.......