Ready for `09

So 2008 was better than 2007 but looking forward to making 2009 MY year. A recap of my year includes a less than my standard birthday, a vacation-less summer, a bunch of disappointments from so-called friends, and LOTS OF LESSONS learned. It also including winning alot of tickets, a laptop, and a few other things. So yea, I've had a "lucky" year. I eliminated alot of stress causers and dead weight from my life this year, but I've also gained new friendships, relationships, and reconnected with fam I haven't really had contact with in a longgggggggg time. So I'd say this year was so-so. It began with me being in a cast up to my elbow from a wrist surgery and has ended with that same wrist causing just as much pain as it was in after the surgery. Go FIGURE!!! I was sick alot in January...a rare thing for me....and I was just recently sick as a dog. My year is ending like it began it seems!!

So what am I looking forward to and/or striving for in 2009....

1) a great two day 30th Birthday celebration


2) being in DC for the Presidential Inauguration


3) going to NY to visit the other fam I have up there


4) getting out and doing more fun stuff (less clubbin' more....something else!!)


5) taking a vacation, or 2, or 3


6) settling down *gasp* ....we'll see about this one


7) reaching that 5 year mark at my job. That is an ABSOLUTE first for me... 2.5 years is usually my max @ a place of employment


8) a new whip -- this is kinda TOP priority!!




I think that's the bulk of my list...I'm sure there's more. I'll revise the list as they get accomplished....added on...or changed! :-)

Happy Holidays

Not alot to say.....just hope that everyone has a happy and safe holiday!!!! :-)

Laugh Break.....

So life been really hectic the last week in a half. One thing after another and I was sick of a dog on TOP of all of life's drama. It's all good though. Things are looking up and God's got my back. Anyways, thought I'd take a break from the norm and NOT get into the negative aspects of my so-called life. This clip is so simple. John Witherspoon is hilarious. I saw him over the summer and there was never a dull moment.

Catching up

I haven't posted a blog in a minute. What's been up in my world? I've been fighting off a cold, sinus drama, illness for a minute. It's like it starts and I knock it away but ONLY temporarily. I am off today and instead of enjoying my time off, I am dealing with a runny nose (like a creek), sneezing, scratchy throat and some more stuff. Those who know me know that I don't really do medicine. If it's not bad enough that I go to a doctor and he/she prescribes something (which sometimes I still won't take).....then I don't worry with the drugs. I get that from my dad..the mentality that...it'll go away on its own..you THINK the medicine is what is fixing it...and usually I do heal in the same amount of time as most..this time, I've been taking meds and the crap just keeps creeping back up on me. Just enough to annoy me or make me feel "blah" but not enough to keep me down.

So I posted awhile back about the Method Man and Redman show that was postponed and the drama I went through to get my refund. I had psyched myself to realize that I would NOT be seeing my 'man' when he came because the new date was a Wednesday. One of my best friends was supposed to accompany me, but because it was a Wed. now, I knew it was very UNLIKELY she'd be able to go. But me being the lucky person that I am, I WON tickets the day of the show. I've told the story of my experience so many times, so I won't do the play by play details. I'll just say that it was great. It was my 4th time seeing Meth perform and probably one of the best. I was right up front..dead center..just like I was the first time I saw him. :-)

Christmas is almost here and I am not really feeling the holiday spirit at all. I only have like 7 people to even get gifts for this year and I pretty much know what I want to get everyone...but I have no motivation to shop or anything. I just don't get into Christmas like that anymore. I look forward to my birthday that is only a few weeks after. I have pretty much gotten all my bday plans in order. I'll be celebrating the weekend following my bday and making it a 2 part/night thing. Should be fun for all those who choose to come along for the ride (literally for some!!!) :-)

The weather sucks...in the teens one day and then tomorrow it's going to be almost 70. No wonder I am sick. *rolls eyes*

Happy Turkey Day!!!

So I didn't eat toooo much today. But I'm very lazy right now. So this entry will be short and sweet. So R Kelly is on a remix to "If I Were A Boy" w/ Beyonce. I have yet to form my opinion on this mix. What do you think?

Being a part of history...

So on Nov. 4th I was a part of history. Going out at 4:45am and standing in line until 6:15 to cast my vote for the US's first Black president. And now, on Jan 20, 2009, I will be a part of another historical moment. I will be attending the Inauguration. :-)

What in the World??

Yes that title is a perfect description of my mind state right now. I have situations and persons of my past that have resurfaced and it has me QUITE confused. It's like a certain time period of my life NEVER existed. Like the hands of time have been totally turned back. Some I thought I'd never hear from again for one reason or another. Some situations I thought were totally a WRAP. Yet, they have shown back up as if the disappearing acts, drama, and conclusions never took place!!?!?! So yea, What in the world!!??!

It's cold as ever here in V-A. Snow flurries already. This is crazy. Just the other week it was like 79 degrees. What in the world!??!

So this guy commits suicide on live streaming video on the site Justin.TV. People actually were hyping him up to do this. (see video below)

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I don't know.... *ish* is just kinda crazy right now!

Another blog of randomness

So I'm sitting here and have absolutely no kind of set topic to discuss on this blog. I have been pretty much relaxing the past few days. Partly my choice, partly due to the usual...people not doing what they say they are going to do. I don't even care no more, I look at it as the same ol same ol and move on. Something ALWAYS comes up or there is always some b.s. story behind a cancellation. I'm beyond that. No time for it. *brushes right shoulder off* I used my Friday night to not "drop it like it's hot", but to finish up a book I've been trying to read for about 2 weeks now. I got some much needed rest and "me" time. Time to relax, relate, and release.

I love this time of the year. The holidays..NOPE...the end of the year, when I have so much vacation time that I'm like always off from work. I'm carrying over 40 hours and some sick time, yet I'm still going to be off at least one day a week for the remainder of 2008. I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE it! I really ain't pressed on Thanksgiving, because my mother works. So it's usually just another day off at the crib for me. I get a few invites here and there, but it's usually from people I'd rather not be around but for soooo long. *blah* I don't have a clue what I want for Christmas. People keep asking for some sort of idea and I can't help them. I don't even really have anything I'm dying for (except a new Iverson Pistons Jersey..since it's time to switch the jersey game up). *wink wink* I guess I'm sort of a scrooge. I'm more hyped for my birthday, which is still very much in planning stage. People are either LYING or trying to charge a sister way too much for their spots. So it's a few more options to check on. I'm about to say bump a party and take a trip (outta V-A) or something or just go AWAY from Richmond. DECISIONS, DECISIONS!!!

I'm still very ecstatic about Obama's win! It felt so good to witness the historical moment. Now everyone is talking about going to the Inauguration. I have different opinions about making that trip. I want to go, but in the back of my head, something tells me...NOT TO GO! My instincts be killing me.

Okay....so my train of thought just came to screeching halt and I don't know where else I was trying to go with this post...so I guess that'll do for today. Back to work tomorrow and I'm NOT feeling it. I can already tell it's gonna be a lame day.

Updated title : What a beautiful sight....

No News = Good News

The title of this blog is something one of my doctors always tells me when I visit him. He says that if I do NOT hear from him, then that means everything is okay. Sometimes that is comforting and sometimes it leaves me wondering if I missed his call, did he forget to call, do I need to call myself to see how everything turned out!?!? But that isn't the real purpose of this blog. The true purpose is to reflect on life and relationships and keeping those close to you...CLOSE TO YOU. People who REALLY know me (who are few and far between), know my story. They know what I've gone through. They know that I've seen and experienced some really tough times but I've continued to succeed in life despite the setbacks and very traumatic experiences. Things that have made me a VERY STRONG person and I can truly say that I know that I am. Sometimes it makes me feel TOO unemotional because I look at things so different from most. I don't cry alot...in fact, I rarely cry. I see death differently than other people and I deal with things and handle tragedy differently. I have always hated for people to say that I am 'holding it in'. Nah, that's not it. I have no reason to HIDE my feelings and if I am emotionally effected enough to cry or lose control, believe me....I do. But most of the time, that is not the case. Does it make me evil?? No Does it mean I don't care? No I am just me. Everyone doesn't react to things in the same way and people need to realize that. Is THAT the reason for this blog...again..NO.

In the past couple of weeks, I have seen 2 very nice, sweet, and caring people that worked with me unexpectedly lose their lives. 43 and 45 years old. Within a matter of 2 weeks. Something about the holidays that seems to bring about alot of sadness and bad news. Then there's the "death comes in threes" statement. I tend to not follow those kind of things, but in the history I've known..it has been oh so true. You just never know. People need to stop all the petty, stupid, foolish acts against one another. Take pride in every day that you have and show those you love and care that you do. Let people KNOW how you feel and stop trying to "pretend" and "cover up" what's real. You have to let people know while you can, as not to regret it later when it's too late. You just never know...and I know this ohhh too well. I know what's it like to have an opportunity to make things right/better, and not taking it and have that person taken away within a matter of hours. Knowing that the last communication with that person was filled with anger and then going through a period of blame. All weekend, every phone call to my house has been MORE bad and disturbing news. A suicide, a family friend hit while walking to help another motorist in need that may possibly lose a leg, and another family friend diagnosed with breast cancer and given only 3 months to live.

There is just so much going on right now. People have to wake up and realize that tomorrow is not promised, so you have to do what's right TODAY!!!


Wow....and to hear that starting at 4a.m. this morning, text messages are swarming saying that Katt Williams died in a plane crash. Seeing as how no news channels or ACCURATE websites have made this announcement, I'd go with the fact that it's a STUPID and LAME rumor. *shaking my head*. People have nothing better to do but start a sea of lies.

Courtesy of The Urban Daily

Since everyone can't seem to access the blog I mentioned previously..here it is in it's entirety. [The link is below in the previous post.] There are a few links to other sources, pics, articles within the blog entry.

Oh yea....and METHOD MAN IS NOT GAY!!!!! Not tryna hear it! LOL Okay go on and read it.... :-)


Top 10 (Allegedly) Gay Male Celebs
By The Urban Daily October 24, 2008 6:16 pm

According to a friend of mine, “You’re not a real celebrity until the gay rumors start.” And, as ridiculous as that sounds, it’s actually true. Any small-time wannabe can have a sex tape — cause like, how hard is it to bone on camera and act surprised when it “leaks”? — but for the mass media to really be concerned about your sexuality, you’ve got to be pretty popular.

One could argue that Will Smith is a pretty big celebrity. He’s also been rumored to be a pretty big homosexual. Previous claims notwithstanding, he’s most recently accused of having an affinity for picking up male hookers, an act that transcends your general, passive gay rumor, and plunges right into damn-this-shit-might-actually-be-true status. So, in honor of Mr. Smith’s big step up in stardom, here are ten other male celebrities that may or may not have a little pink in their blue… if you believe everything you hear.

In no particular order…

1. EDDIE MURPHY

Before he was Trading Places with Dan Aykroyd, Murphy may or may not have been trading places in the bedroom… with dudes. Amid already-circulating rumors that he’s playing for the other team, in 1997 Murphy was pulled over by the cops with tranny hooker, Atisone Seiuli, chilling out in the front seat. Murphy claimed he was “being a Good Samaritan” by simply giving Seiuli a ride. Though I’m not Eddie’s publicist, I’m going to take a stab at the situation and say it probably isn’t the best idea to ride around with a transsexual hooker when you’re a high-profile celebrity with rumors that you’re in a secret relationship with R&B singer Johnny Gill. My, my, my.

2. SEAN “DIDDY” COMBS

Man, Diddy can’t stop won’t stop living without a gay rumor following close behind. It’s an old tale, but things really started to blow up when loved/hated former Hot 97 gossip girl Wendy Williams claimed the rapper/producer was gay, then later claimed that she had a tape of Puff and rapper Loon bangin’ out. There’s also a website called IndieSent Exposure that has alleged pictures of Diddy doing some pretty gay stuff at some bathing suit party, and though the pictures are crazy blurry, it totally looks like him. So, if it’s true Puff, take that take that take that!

3. RUSSELL SIMMONS

No. This has nothing to do with Russell’s lisp. Or his yoga. These rumors aren’t based on such thin evidence. It’s a long-standing rumor that Mr. Phat Farm is gay and that he and Kimora were really serving as each other’s beards. Rumors like that are usually a load of bullshit. However, in 2006, a mystery woman claimed to have found Simmons’ lost BlackBerry during Fashion Week. According to her, after a little phone investigation, she found that Simmons had been text-sexing some dude. Later on, Caushun “The Gay Rapper” (from Baby Phat and Hot-97-circa-Star-and-Buc Wild fame) tried to expose Simmons’ secret sexuality. During an interview with the Dallas Voice, Simmons responded to the allegation: “Well, being told that I’m gay is nothing new.” I guess if the rumors are true, being gay is nothing new either. Zing!

4. TYLER PERRY

Many actors and notable figures don dresses, wigs and makeup for the sake of comedy. Even Rudy Giuliani! But Tyler Perry’s alter ego Madea is only fodder for the argument that Perry himself might be found among all the oversized dresses in his closet. Until recently, almost all of Perry’s movies have been serious man-hating anthems — like a religious slant of every Lifetime movie ever made, except starring black people. It also didn’t help much that he refuses to address gay rumors in almost every interview that brings up the allegations. Doesn’t mean he’s really gay… but I’m just saying. You can’t be too mad about errant gossip then, ya know?

5. LL COOL J

Apparently, ladies aren’t the only ones who have been loving cool James all these years — that is, if all the rumors are true. Crazy thing is, this is one of those rumors that everyone knows about, but no one knows where it actually started. You’d think this would make it less of a big deal, but all the dude does is talk about how gay he isn’t in all of his interviews, including this one on the Greg Street show:



I’m sayin tho’, LL, maybe if you quit harping on and on about it, people would just let it die. You know. If it isn’t true, like you say. He’s still pretty hot though, so, whatever.

6. NE-YO

Okay, while I’ll admit that one of our publications totally added to the Ne-Yo gay rumors, I’d just like to state for the record that that lip gloss/backbend/kissy face combo was ALL him. Hey man, maybe it IS the lip gloss. Maybe it’s his style. Maybe it’s because he sometimes likes to buy women’s shoes (for women - don’t get ahead of yourselves, readers). Or maybe he hooked up with a dude and that guy told some guy who told someone else and the whole thing just blew up. But what isn’t true is the rumor that he came out to Essence Magazine. So at least one of those stories is debunked. Hey, you gotta start somewhere, right?

7. TYSON BECKFORD

Being a male model is like having an automatic in to the gay rumor mill, but it’s when you’re spotted in a gay strip club that eyebrows really start to be raised. Wendy Williams, forever conducting the juiciest of gossip trains, even tried to out him on the radio. Our dude stayed cool, though, and instructed her to “go shave [her] beard.” He’s also not ashamed to say that he loves and appreciates his gay fans, because they contribute to him bringing in the big bucks, and who can really hate on that? So even though Beckford is known around town as an infamously steady chick-banger-outter, he may or may not be catching some dingleberries on the side. And that’s fine with us, because on a more serious note, who wouldn’t hook up with Tyson Beckford? He may as well just be bi- and spread that sexy around, long as the rumors exist anyway. Amen.

8. REDMAN

Yo. Don’t kill the messenger. But it’s pretty old news (in Dirtygossiprumorville) that Method Man and Redman are secretly lovers. Almost every female hip-hop fan in America refuses to believe it’s true, because almost every female hip-hop fan in America seems to believe that they will one day have the chance to do Meth (pun intended) before they die. They’re constantly on Wendy Williams’ annual bi/gay list on her radio show, as anyone who regularly listens to her show would know, they may or may not be one of the blind items mentioned in her new tell-all book. Many are speculating that they’re one of the aliased characters in Terrence Dean’s new outing novel, Hiding in Hip Hop: Confessions of a Down-Low Brother in the Entertainment Industry. I just hope no one’s pulling a Clinton-Lewinsky with all those blunts they smoke.

9. JOHN LEGEND

Now, this is another one of those situations where being around really gay stuff only adds fuel to a big gay fire. When John Legend broke out, some speculated that he was gay, but there wasn’t much foundation under it. Sometimes people just like pointing a finger to waste time. However, when you’re always taking a moment during interviews to tell people you’re unphased by all the gay rumors being spread, and then you’re taking pictures with a gay porn star that happened to be attending an event by a company called Rockhard Productions, I mean, hey. It might be tough to shake that one off. Until you get a totally obvious boner during one of your shows:

So maybe he’s bi-? Eh?

10. BUSTA RHYMES

Many like to say that Rhymes is Bussa Bussin’ all over dudes in his spare time. Some even say that his main squeeze is his longtime hypeman Spliff Star. However, the latest in Rhymes’ gay gossip comes yet again from Terrence Dean’s book, excerpted on Necole Bitchie, where z-list celeb Deelishis tells Dean that she dated a rapper. Dean proceeds to inform her that it might not be the woman attached to that big butt that made him hit it. If you really wanna take it there, you could say that the alleged attack on a gay fan and his subsequent homophobic remarks were a way to quell all the gay rumors that have been circulating about him over the years. But then you’d have to get on the asses (again, no pun intended) of all the other rappers who bash gays but are allegedly “on the DL.” So let’s not get too petty here.

Hmmmm....

So I'm not really in a blog post mood right now. It's raining...just convinced my brother to detail my whip today after months of begging and BOOM....it rains. News says 30% chance and VERY SLIM CHANCE..and yep yep..cats and freaking dogs. Anywho, I'm doing my usual email checks, site checks, etc...and I come across The Urban Daily blog on Black Planet...and they have a Top 10 Celebs Believed to Be Gay. I am very much NOT surprised by the list because I've heard or suspected most of them myself...but anywayz....just for your viewing pleasure...go check it out:


The Urban Daily Blog <--- should open in a new window


Let me know what ya think.....

Much Needed Day Off...

Man, a sista been stressed out. Between the crazy ups and downs of my normal life....the hustle/bustle/insanity @ work.....the insane things going on in the world....I have been in DIRE need of a vacation or at least a day off. I haven't had a true VACATION in years. To take more then 2 days off in a row....I don't know what that's like. I really would love to get away for a week...to clear my head..but I know the sad reality of doing that....10x more stress and drama will be awaiting my return. *sigh* What's a girl to do?? Take a day here and a day there to keep my sanity and that's just what I do. It's only 2 months basically left in the year and I have 80+ vacation hours still to use. 40 of which (hopefully) I will just carryover and use at the beginning of next year. I just might need it after the bday shin-dig (which is still in the beginning planning stages).

I truly don't have much to talk about right now. I'm just relaxing!! Been up since like 6 a.m. which is typical. Can't sleep past like 8 to save my life. When time goes back it's no doubt that I will be up at like 4 and 5 on the daily. Crazy thing is, I have way more energy when I wake up early than if I were to truly get like 7 or 8 hours of sleep.

Well that about does it for now....gonna go start my semi-productive day of taking Jigga to the vet, getting my wig smoked, and then watching the BET Awards tonight @ 8! Until next time boys and girls....

Oh yea, and on Tuesday my refund from the previous post (Method Man tix) posted back to my credit card. Happy and upset...all at the same time. LOL

Update: I'm a lil pissed that Katt didn't host the awards....who wanna see TPain!?!?

Bring the Pain

I'm soooo distraught right about now. I should be amped and anxious. But nope....because on a whim I went to check to see if the Method Man show was sold out that I was supposed to attend on Sat. night...and instead of being greeted with a big banner that says SOLD OUT...I see this: THIS SHOW HAS BEEN POSTPONED TO DECEMBER. PLEASE CHECK BACK FOR INFORMATION REGARDING THE NEW DATE. Man..this has thrown my weekend all off. Then, I am extra mad because I have HEARD nothing about this from any other source. I accidentally and on my own accord went to the venues website and saw this info. So I go to the online ticket site they use and of course, they say nothing. Their policy is to email you at the email you used for your ticket purchase with updated information. If it is canceled they will basically email you and let you know that your refund is on the way. If it is postponed, they will email you with refund instructions as well as a date. I email both the venue AND the ticketing site. Venue emails me back and they claim the ticket company only emails if it is totally canceled and that is why I didn't get any information. OKAY...somebody needs to get their story straight. *rolls eyes* Well mind you, I bought my tickets 2 months ago. In order to get my refund they need my name and confirmation #. Guess what??!?!? I have my tickets with my name all over them and ticket #s...but confirmation #....UHHH Let me roll over to my gmail account. SO yeaaaaaa, I accidentally TRASHED that email and guess what....since mail older than 30 days gets deleted...that's gone. *GASP* I go to Meth's Myspace and sure enough...Richmond's Sat show and Baltimore's Sunday show have "Will be rescheduled". :-( I look at December and there are all these dates already and I'm like..okay yea, it won't be a Sat when they reschedule it and it's not gonna be the same going on a weekday. So yep...I'll get the refund. If by some weird chance I decide to go whenever it is...I'll just cop 2 more tickets. But how am I gonna get my freaking REFUND!?!?!?!

I call the ticket place and I'm like "Yes, I have a dilemma..my show was canceled...the venue said the only way to refund my tix is if I have my confirmation # from you guys...what can I give you so that you can give ME that info"...the nice young chick on the phone said she only needed to know the venue, artist, date, and my credit card #...and in like 2mins the original email was RESENT to me. I emailed the guy (who is now on a first name basis with me) and give him my info and my refund is on its way to my card. I'm so not surprised..this is how that Miss Toya Luck works. :-(

Oh yea..the reason is..Red and Meth are working on the new album that will be released in Dec. Supposedly they are canceling all the East Coast dates to work on the album.

Now..what will I get into this Saturday!?!?!

Random Nonsense

I haven't posted in a few days. Lord knows I have so much that I COULD talk about, but I won't. I'd rather forget the past few days and the way I've felt. Angry, loved, upset, tired, nauseated, smart, punished, special.....yea a serious variety. But enough about this crazy week. So what do I randomly want to speak on!?!?!?

• So Hoopz won on I Love Money. I KNEW IT!!!! That show was pretty stupid...but I have fallen into the grasp of Reality TV and I can not escape. It's funny to me. Damn right hilarious. I couldn't do it. Put all my business on tv...and I definitely won't let producers and editors have me looking some sort of way for "ratings" by cutting and pasting and chopping up reality. No way. It's fun to watch but definitely not something I would do.
  

  
  

• I've been enjoying my laptop. Shout out to 106.5 the Beat for choosing me as the winner. I have put the other laptop up on the shelf and haven't been on it since the new 'baby' arrived at the crib. I haven't quite decided if I'm gonna hold on to her or sell her. I still gotta think on it.
  

  
  

• Been considering getting another dog. At times it seems like a great idea because Jigga needs a playmate. (thought: Have I ever even blogged about Jigga?) Then I think NEGATIVE because he doesn't like other dogs. I'd end up with 2 crazy dogs who pay no attention to one another...yea we'll hold off on a 2nd dog I believe. LOL
  

  
  

• I haven't been out in forever. I'm supposed to go out Saturday to celebrate a co-worker's bday. I've known since Tues that I probably won't be going. I can judge my upcoming weekend early. I was so busy last weekend and then my week has been SOOOO hectic. I wanna just chill out this weekend. So that's exactly what I'm gonna do. CHILL!!! It's sad though, because I even made the invites and everything. Ahhh well, people always canceling on me. Time for tables to turn for ONCE!!
  

  
  

• I'm not feeling setting the clocks back on Nov 2nd. I HATE THIS TIME OF YEAR! I already don't sleep much...now the clocks are going back, which means instead of getting up at 4 and 5 AM when I do not NEED to be awake that early, I'll be waking up at like 3 or 4 ..ARRRGGGGHHHHH!
  

  
  

• I have 3 months and 3 days until my birthday. The big 3-0. Gotta do it big. Just hate that my b-day is in the winter time. Weather in V-A is so unpredictable at time. Kinda hard to plan. I have a few ideas being thrown around. Think it's gonna be a 2 part celebration. One for the ELITE friends that would include going out of town and possibly out of the state. Then another weekend event for any and all others who would like to partake in the festivities. I have to get more suggestions/ideas and then I'll see.
  

  
  

• Oh yea...and only 9 days til the "Still High" show. I already got my moral support lined up. It's crazy how much I love Method Man. Seriously...its insane. I've met quite a few celebs. When I worked at Peaches (music store)..it was nothing to have in store visits (random) or get opportunities to meet people. Nobody else has caused me to lose composure....METH....he, however, does. LOL Wu concert of '99 almost took me out. I totally freaked out. I'm ready though. I CAN hold it together. (I hope!)
  

Pet Peeves

So I'm driving the other day and I realize how so many things just irritate me severely. I wish I had a piece of paper or a recorder when the thoughts were pouring in because I had so many things that I could list. I guess this will have to be one of those posts that I can just keep coming back and adding to it when things pop up in my head. Feel free to comment on my list and/or add your own. Always interesting to see what sets other people off.

Let's see:

1) I hate when people lie for NO reason at all. It's different when you are trying to protect someone or it's a joke or to not hurt someone's feelings (I guess...I mean I'ma keep it real kinda girl). I mean straight up lying when you neither gain or lose because of the truth. I'm noticing an increase in people doing this. Not just to me but in my travels with other people.

2) People being late. Or having to be late. I am almost always on time....being on time is late for me. I hate waiting on other people, especially those who know how I am about being ON time and they just continue to always be late. Lie and tell them they need to be somewhere an hour early to get them there on time..and they are STILL LATE. WOW!

3) Why are people so inconsiderate!?!? Again....time comes to mind. Like don't tell me you are gonna stop by or you are gonna call or you want to do something. Expect me to wait around for you, meanwhile canceling other plans and possible activities that come along. If you aren't going to do what you say you are going to do, then let somebody know. Give EARLY notice. If you don't intend on doing it....then don't say you will in the first place just because it sounds good.

4) Crazy people online...okay, you start a conversation with some off the wall sexual topics and act like somebody is supposed to meet you and/or call you after Hi, How are you? then as soon as you get the SHUT DOWN.....the person on the other end is a Bitch!! WOW really!?!?!

5) People who constantly ask you questions about things that they know you are knowledgeable about and/or that you do but no matter what, will always go and ask someone else right after. Okay, why did you ask me? Just to see what I was going to say? Then for the other person to just tell you the same thing I said??!?! Yea, okay...next time, just go ask him/her.

6) Persistent guys in the club.... yea, if I shut u down on the dance offer like 5 mins ago...guessss whattt?!?!? It ain't happening now either.

7) Copycats or people who always want to jump on the bandwagon. What happened to being original!?!? I pride myself on being unique or not average and I love being my own (wo)man! Hell with being like everybody else or living my life the way people THINK I should or having what everybody else does.


Okay..that's a start...I'll holla back when the rest come back to mind. :-)

Don't get me wrong...I'm grateful....BUT

So I win this from an online contest through the radio station ...and ummm I'm supposed to get it within 2 or 3 weeks. Yea so that was 2.5 months ago. HA! The marketing agency that set up this promotion is apparently on something. In being in contact with a few other winners from throughout the country, I realize they have been given the same crazy run around that I have. I am ever so grateful to have won this laptop...(as if I need another of computer in my house...hmm 2 desktops running...a laptop and one other in the closet not in use). Anywho...first the chick who contacts me no longer works there...so I have a new contact person there. THEN this new lady either never returns messages or is as clueless as they come. First story I get is that it would go out in the next week. This was after say the first 3 weeks had passed. Then the story is the computers were on backorder from Dell (ummm wow..they make computers every day for customers...hmm). Story was that they would be mailed on Aug 19th at the latest and mailed DHL and tracking #s would be provided. Sept 3rd, I email the contact and guess what...she NO LONGER WORKS THERE...so here we go again with another person to communicate through. She's nicer at least, so now the story is they would be mailed out in a few days that certain colors were on backorder (apparently just the pink ones because others had received their computers already). Sooooo earlier this week, one of the other winners (she's from NC) emailed me saying that last week she spoke to the chick and she told her that Dell had cancelled the orders not yet fulfilled and that they were now going to order the same computers through Best Buy and have them shipped out. Sooo last Friday the new chick had emailed the other winner the order # from Best Buy for her computer (didn't do any good because without other information they wouldn't tell her anything). HA!! She also got an official tracking # on Friday. I hadn't heard a thing, so I email the contact and just hinted at not knowing ANYTHING at this point and she told me about the whole Best Buy ordering and that she would send my tracking # when she had it. Oddly enough, UPS called my cell phone (weird!?!?) on yesterday and just started spewing off information and a tracking # and I run frantically to get a pen and some paper. Needless to say, I wrote the # ALLLLLL WRONG. So I can't even being to track the package. Once again I have to contact this chick and ask for some more details.

NOWWWWWWWWWWWW the laptop is in route to my house. Must be signed for! Any other time UPS comes at times when someone is at my house. Not today!! So I am hoping that they don't come before 5pm when I get home. I hate having to hunt my packages down and/or going to pick them up FROM UPS.

My fingers are crossed that I get there before they do.

So yea, I am grateful and happy I won something nice...but wow...all this run around and different stories is insane. It's all good....time to see what else I can win! BWAHAHAHAHA (evil laugh).

In other news, I think some changes (for the better) are about to take place in my life. Good things come to those who wait!! Stay tuned.......


UPDATE: Yes the laptop delivery was missed by 40 mins. I was tracking it all day so I saw as soon as this "EXCEPTION" took place. Called and told them let me come pick it up at Will Call once it was back @ the home front. LOL. The guy called back and told me to come between 8 and 830. GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! It's all good. I did just that. And yes.....change is on the horizon. YES SIRRRRR!!! ;-)

Life is what you make it......or is it??

I swear my brain must be swollen right now. So many thoughts running through it right now. It's like life has been dealing me a helluva hand for quite some time. Just when I thought I was headed toward more happy, blissful times...something serious and negative comes along. It's sad when you been through so much, that you look for something bad to happen when you're experiencing so much good. Yea, guess that just means I'm pessimistic. Wonder why!?!? Those close to me know alot of the more serious things I've gone through....my drama began around 1995..and slowly got worse and worse. 1997 was supposed to be MY year....Senior Prom, graduating high school, getting accepted into college, moving away to college, and starting my next phase of schooling....yea all of that happened...but so did the worse thing that has happened to me. It seems from that point on, I've just been through one thing after another. It's like bad luck is my FIRST NAME..forget middle name. It's crazy and I try not to dwell on it, but sometimes I think maybe I was a child abuser or something in a past life and I'm paying for it now or maybe a serial killer. The ultimate sinner...had to have been. I know that God only gives you as much as you can handle, and I have to admit that I am quite a strong person....but sometimes I am just like I don't know how much more I can stand. I have had a few very good spells since 1997...and a FEW is about all I can say.

Bring things up to 2006..9 years later and I feel as if things are turning around. I was at a high point. Enjoying life, family, friends, etc. And slowly as the year progressed....the "good life" began to fade. 2007...10 years curse apparently because this was a very hell filled year. Started out horrible...but my mood was brought up with the help of my family and friends because of my great bday outting. I will NEVER forget that bday. Limo, Pearl Lounge, VIP, broken chair, etc. But I also know that weeks before I was probably lower than I've ever been.

So I am leaving out specifics and details.....well that's how I get down. Yea this is a blog and yea I post my THOUGHTS but some things are better left unknown and unsaid. Those who need to know or needed to know...know what I'm talking about....and those who don't...sorry that you are clueless, but you will alright. :-) I've learned to go with the flow. I know people say alot of things that they don't really mean...like their standards aren't high or they are open minded and are some of the most closed minded people I know. I've changed my perspective on alot of things because I realized that I wasn't as open to new things as I would say that I was. Things that I said I would never deal with or associate myself with, I've tried to not be so 'petty' about.

I've just come to realize...you can't respect the good without going through the bad. I just wonder when the good will stick around for a fairly good time.

(I just realized this post was totally not where I was trying to go....but it'll do for now!!!) *sigh*

The dead have arisen

It's funny how things in life work out....like when you are unemployed and you can't seem to find a job but when you finally get that call and you accept the job....you get all kinds of other job offers!?!? Like when you are single and everything is everything but the minute you decide to settle, everybody wants to confess their love for you. It's wild, but it be like that sometimes. Like currently, I'm in the process of eliminating "dead weight"...people who are serving no real purpose in my life and are probably holding me back from happiness. So I've pulled back and not really reached out to certain individuals in a minute...and BAMMMMMMM....someone from my past resurfaced yesterday. He could fall into the dead weight category for real for real....but I NEVER let him truly fall into that place. WHY!?!?! I truly have no damn idea. I think he is my one true weakness. I can't seem to just take him completely out of my life no matter what. I truly believe he will always be in MY loop...always be my friend....always be someone I am there for when I can be..and does he deserve it? Does he deserve to have me care this much?? To stand by and deal with the b.s. that I have had to endure these past few years? NO!!! I know this....denial is not even in this situation....because I KNOW for a fact that he is bad for me and bad for my life....but like a fiend to the crack pipe...I always go back..with open damn arms and I'm here. Don't get it twisted though...it is purely friendship and has been for quite some time. I'm not gonna front though, it's all love. Can't be no other explanation.

People never cease to amaze me!!

I had a great day/night, yet I am feeling quite uneasy, why....because people do some crazy, inconsiderate, and downright selfish shit!!! I don't care to elaborate....but the bullshit is getting old!!

D**n I love this man....

There's no doubt in my mind that it's love.....okay....maybe just an obsession. LOLLLLL!!!!

Sundays......Day of Rest

So Hanna came and went without too much damage. She did,however, put a damper on my weekend plans. Yea, I could've still gone out, but the sitting and waiting to see exactly how long she'd be around or what damage would be done just totally killed all motivation that I even had to go out. Two weekends pretty much gone down the drain. Well partially. My Labor Day weekend wasn't a total bust. Just the 1st half. I did enjoy the last 2 days...okay well maybe 1 of the 2...because Labor Day was....an experience to say the least.

I swear some people are just not what you think they are when you really spend time with them sometimes. You can form a perception of people from texting, chatting, talking on the phone, seeing them briefly, but to be one on one with them can sometimes give you a wholeeeeeeee new picture. You see things more clearly. It's amazes sometimes how wrong you can be.

And why are young people so 'old' now a days?? I don't mean little kids being grown. I mean young adults and twenty somethings acting like their 50 years old?!?!?! It amazes me how many people YOUNGER than I am, just stay cooped up in the house and never go anywhere. I mean, yea I know everyone doesn't go to clubs. I get that and I totally understand, but there are some people that I know that you just can't simply get them out of the house period. A nite out for drinks or dinner and a movie...nothing. Excuse after excuse of why they can't or couldn't. I just never got that and probably never will. Yes, some are "on lock" and others just are boring people I suppose. I guess I will never understand because I plan to not be in either of the 2 categories. "On lock" meaning having a significant other who has a problem with their guy/girl hanging out and thus doesn't "allow" them to. That just blows me. Now is the time to live your life. People are dying left and right and younger and younger. I want to have all the fun I can now while I am able to. I don't want to grow old and look back at my life and all I have to talk about is what I could've or should've done. The time is NOW!! Time to live and let live. People are always trying to hold other people back from things...and why??

Kind of went off on a tangent, but it's all good. Sunday's bring out all kinds of thoughts in my head. Sunday is usually my day that I finally get rest. I don't sleep much at all, and Sunday I try to catch up on the lost hours from the previous week. But Sunday night....INSOMNIA sets in. Maybe it's because I know my dreaded work week starts again the next day and reality sets in that my weekend is TRULY over?!?! Maybe. I don't know. I just know it's my day to think of all kinds of deep and crazy stuff. :-)

Time to get something to snack on and prepare for these lame azz VMA's on MTV.

Why Should You Choose Me???

Why Should You Choose Me

Why should you choose me
When so many others out there
Show everything they have to the world
So fast and freely without care

Why should you choose me
Knowing that I hold it all in
That I've dealt with so much loss
And have so much pain deep within

Why should you choose me
The girl who'd rather be outside playing ball
Than walking around with a Louie Bag
Or going shopping at the mall

Why should you choose me
Miss Independent -- who doesn't need YOU
Who holds is down working like a slave
Keeping three jobs, or at least two

Why should you choose me
To be your ride or die
That holds you down when no one else will
And probably wouldn't even try

Why should you choose me
To be right there by your side
Through thick and thin, no matter what
A love so great..you can not hide

Why should you choose me
The one with all the hidden flaws
That follows most of the rules
And abides by her own set of laws

Why should you choose me
And give up all the others in your stable
Am I worth beginning a new chapter?
Do you know what I bring to the table?

Why should you choose me
The one who prefers sneakers to heels
The one that has more guy friends than girls
That doesn't always tell you how she feels

Why should you choose me
You wouldn't understand it if I tried
To tell you in my own words...
So I'm leaving it up to you to decide!




© 2008 LaToya Jones. You steal, you pay! Believe that!

48 Laws of Power

Got this in an email.....pretty interesting!!!
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The 48 Laws of Power

by Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

Law 1

Never Outshine the Master

Always make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please or impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents or you might accomplish the opposite – inspire fear and insecurity. Make your masters appear more brilliant than they are and you will attain the heights of power.

Law 2

Never put too Much Trust in Friends, Learn how to use Enemies

Be wary of friends-they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy. They also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire a former enemy and he will be more loyal than a friend, because he has more to prove. In fact, you have more to fear from friends than from enemies. If you have no enemies, find a way to make them.

Law 3

Conceal your Intentions

Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. If they have no clue what you are up to, they cannot prepare a defense. Guide them far enough down the wrong path, envelope them in enough smoke, and by the time they realize your intentions, it will be too late.

Law 4

Always Say Less than Necessary

When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish.

Law 5

So Much Depends on Reputation – Guard it with your Life

Reputation is the cornerstone of power. Through reputation alone you can intimidate and win; once you slip, however, you are vulnerable, and will be attacked on all sides. Make your reputation unassailable. Always be alert to potential attacks and thwart them before they happen. Meanwhile, learn to destroy your enemies by opening holes in their own reputations. Then stand aside and let public opinion hang them.

Law 6

Court Attention at all Cost

Everything is judged by its appearance; what is unseen counts for nothing. Never let yourself get lost in the crowd, then, or buried in oblivion. Stand out. Be conspicuous, at all cost. Make yourself a magnet of attention by appearing larger, more colorful, more mysterious, than the bland and timid masses.

Law 7

Get others to do the Work for you, but Always Take the Credit

Use the wisdom, knowledge, and legwork of other people to further your own cause. Not only will such assistance save you valuable time and energy, it will give you a godlike aura of efficiency and speed. In the end your helpers will be forgotten and you will be remembered. Never do yourself what others can do for you.

Law 8

Make other People come to you – use Bait if Necessary

When you force the other person to act, you are the one in control. It is always better to make your opponent come to you, abandoning his own plans in the process. Lure him with fabulous gains – then attack. You hold the cards.

Law 9

Win through your Actions, Never through Argument

Any momentary triumph you think gained through argument is really a Pyrrhic victory: The resentment and ill will you stir up is stronger and lasts longer than any momentary change of opinion. It is much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your actions, without saying a word. Demonstrate, do not explicate.

Law 10

Infection: Avoid the Unhappy and Unlucky

You can die from someone else’s misery – emotional states are as infectious as disease. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.

Law 11

Learn to Keep People Dependent on You

To maintain your independence you must always be needed and wanted. The more you are relied on, the more freedom you have. Make people depend on you for their happiness and prosperity and you have nothing to fear. Never teach them enough so that they can do without you.

Law 12

Use Selective Honesty and Generosity to Disarm your Victim

One sincere and honest move will cover over dozens of dishonest ones. Open-hearted gestures of honesty and generosity bring down the guard of even the most suspicious people. Once your selective honesty opens a hole in their armor, you can deceive and manipulate them at will. A timely gift – a Trojan horse – will serve the same purpose.

Law 13

When Asking for Help, Appeal to People’s Self-Interest,

Never to their Mercy or Gratitude

If you need to turn to an ally for help, do not bother to remind him of your past assistance and good deeds. He will find a way to ignore you. Instead, uncover something in your request, or in your alliance with him, that will benefit him, and emphasize it out of all proportion. He will respond enthusiastically when he sees something to be gained for himself.

Law 14

Pose as a Friend, Work as a Spy

Knowing about your rival is critical. Use spies to gather valuable information that will keep you a step ahead. Better still: Play the spy yourself. In polite social encounters, learn to probe. Ask indirect questions to get people to reveal their weaknesses and intentions. There is no occasion that is not an opportunity for artful spying.

Law 15

Crush your Enemy Totally

All great leaders since Moses have known that a feared enemy must be crushed completely. (Sometimes they have learned this the hard way.) If one ember is left alight, no matter how dimly it smolders, a fire will eventually break out. More is lost through stopping halfway than through total annihilation: The enemy will recover, and will seek revenge. Crush him, not only in body but in spirit.

Law 16

Use Absence to Increase Respect and Honor

Too much circulation makes the price go down: The more you are seen and heard from, the more common you appear. If you are already established in a group, temporary withdrawal from it will make you more talked about, even more admired. You must learn when to leave. Create value through scarcity.

Law 17

Keep Others in Suspended Terror: Cultivate an Air of Unpredictability

Humans are creatures of habit with an insatiable need to see familiarity in other people’s actions. Your predictability gives them a sense of control. Turn the tables: Be deliberately unpredictable. Behavior that seems to have no consistency or purpose will keep them off-balance, and they will wear themselves out trying to explain your moves. Taken to an extreme, this strategy can intimidate and terrorize.

Law 18

Do Not Build Fortresses to Protect Yourself – Isolation is Dangerous

The world is dangerous and enemies are everywhere – everyone has to protect themselves. A fortress seems the safest. But isolation exposes you to more dangers than it protects you from – it cuts you off from valuable information, it makes you conspicuous and an easy target. Better to circulate among people find allies, mingle. You are shielded from your enemies by the crowd.

Law 19

Know Who You’re Dealing with – Do Not Offend the Wrong Person

There are many different kinds of people in the world, and you can never assume that everyone will react to your strategies in the same way. Deceive or outmaneuver some people and they will spend the rest of their lives seeking revenge. They are wolves in lambs’ clothing. Choose your victims and opponents carefully, then – never offend or deceive the wrong person.

Law 20

Do Not Commit to Anyone

It is the fool who always rushes to take sides. Do not commit to any side or cause but yourself. By maintaining your independence, you become the master of others – playing people against one another, making them pursue you.

Law 21

Play a Sucker to Catch a Sucker – Seem Dumber than your Mark

No one likes feeling stupider than the next persons. The trick, is to make your victims feel smart – and not just smart, but smarter than you are. Once convinced of this, they will never suspect that you may have ulterior motives.

Law 22

Use the Surrender Tactic: Transform Weakness into Power

When you are weaker, never fight for honor’s sake; choose surrender instead. Surrender gives you time to recover, time to torment and irritate your conqueror, time to wait for his power to wane. Do not give him the satisfaction of fighting and defeating you – surrender first. By turning the other check you infuriate and unsettle him. Make surrender a tool of power.

Law 23

Concentrate Your Forces

Conserve your forces and energies by keeping them concentrated at their strongest point. You gain more by finding a rich mine and mining it deeper, than by flitting from one shallow mine to another – intensity defeats extensity every time. When looking for sources of power to elevate you, find the one key patron, the fat cow who will give you milk for a long time to come.

Law 24

Play the Perfect Courtier

The perfect courtier thrives in a world where everything revolves around power and political dexterity. He has mastered the art of indirection; he flatters, yields to superiors, and asserts power over others in the mot oblique and graceful manner. Learn and apply the laws of courtiership and there will be no limit to how far you can rise in the court.

Law 25

Re-Create Yourself

Do not accept the roles that society foists on you. Re-create yourself by forging a new identity, one that commands attention and never bores the audience. Be the master of your own image rather than letting others define if for you. Incorporate dramatic devices into your public gestures and actions – your power will be enhanced and your character will seem larger than life.

Law 26

Keep Your Hands Clean

You must seem a paragon of civility and efficiency: Your hands are never soiled by mistakes and nasty deeds. Maintain such a spotless appearance by using others as scapegoats and cat’s-paws to disguise your involvement.

Law 27

Play on People’s Need to Believe to Create a Cultlike Following

People have an overwhelming desire to believe in something. Become the focal point of such desire by offering them a cause, a new faith to follow. Keep your words vague but full of promise; emphasize enthusiasm over rationality and clear thinking. Give your new disciples rituals to perform, ask them to make sacrifices on your behalf. In the absence of organized religion and grand causes, your new belief system will bring you untold power.

Law 28

Enter Action with Boldness

If you are unsure of a course of action, do not attempt it. Your doubts and hesitations will infect your execution. Timidity is dangerous: Better to enter with boldness. Any mistakes you commit through audacity are easily corrected with more audacity. Everyone admires the bold; no one honors the timid.

Law 29

Plan All the Way to the End

The ending is everything. Plan all the way to it, taking into account all the possible consequences, obstacles, and twists of fortune that might reverse your hard work and give the glory to others. By planning to the end you will not be overwhelmed by circumstances and you will know when to stop. Gently guide fortune and help determine the future by thinking far ahead.

Law 30

Make your Accomplishments Seem Effortless

Your actions must seem natural and executed with ease. All the toil and practice that go into them, and also all the clever tricks, must be concealed. When you act, act effortlessly, as if you could do much more. Avoid the temptation of revealing how hard you work – it only raises questions. Teach no one your tricks or they will be used against you.

Law 31

Control the Options: Get Others to Play with the Cards you Deal

The best deceptions are the ones that seem to give the other person a choice: Your victims feel they are in control, but are actually your puppets. Give people options that come out in your favor whichever one they choose. Force them to make choices between the lesser of two evils, both of which serve your purpose. Put them on the horns of a dilemma: They are gored wherever they turn.

Law 32

Play to People’s Fantasies

The truth is often avoided because it is ugly and unpleasant. Never appeal to truth and reality unless you are prepared for the anger that comes for disenchantment. Life is so harsh and distressing that people who can manufacture romance or conjure up fantasy are like oases in the desert: Everyone flocks to them. There is great power in tapping into the fantasies of the masses.

Law 33

Discover Each Man’s Thumbscrew

Everyone has a weakness, a gap in the castle wall. That weakness is usual y an insecurity, an uncontrollable emotion or need; it can also be a small secret pleasure. Either way, once found, it is a thumbscrew you can turn to your advantage.

Law 34

Be Royal in your Own Fashion: Act like a King to be treated like one

The way you carry yourself will often determine how you are treated; In the long run, appearing vulgar or common will make people disrespect you. For a king respects himself and inspires the same sentiment in others. By acting regally and confident of your powers, you make yourself seem destined to wear a crown.

Law 35

Master the Art of Timing

Never seem to be in a hurry – hurrying betrays a lack of control over yourself, and over time. Always seem patient, as if you know that everything will come to you eventually. Become a detective of the right moment; sniff out the spirit of the times, the trends that will carry you to power. Learn to stand back when the time is not yet ripe, and to strike fiercely when it has reached fruition.

Law 36

Disdain Things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best Revenge

By acknowledging a petty problem you give it existence and credibility. The more attention you pay an enemy, the stronger you make him; and a small mistake is often made worse and more visible when you try to fix it. It is sometimes best to leave things alone. If there is something you want but cannot have, show contempt for it. The less interest you reveal, the more superior you seem.

Law 37

Create Compelling Spectacles

Striking imagery and grand symbolic gestures create the aura of power – everyone responds to them. Stage spectacles for those around you, then full of arresting visuals and radiant symbols that heighten your presence. Dazzled by appearances, no one will notice what you are really doing.

Law 38

Think as you like but Behave like others

If you make a show of going against the times, flaunting your unconventional ideas and unorthodox ways, people will think that you only want attention and that you look down upon them. They will find a way to punish you for making them feel inferior. It is far safer to blend in and nurture the common touch. Share your originality only with tolerant friends and those who are sure to appreciate your uniqueness.

Law 39

Stir up Waters to Catch Fish

Anger and emotion are strategically counterproductive. You must always stay calm and objective. But if you can make your enemies angry while staying calm yourself, you gain a decided advantage. Put your enemies off-balance: Find the chink in their vanity through which you can rattle them and you hold the strings.

Law 40

Despise the Free Lunch

What is offered for free is dangerous – it usually involves either a trick or a hidden obligation. What has worth is worth paying for. By paying your own way you stay clear of gratitude, guilt, and deceit. It is also often wise to pay the full price – there is no cutting corners with excellence. Be lavish with your money and keep it circulating, for generosity is a sign and a magnet for power.

Law 41

Avoid Stepping into a Great Man’s Shoes

What happens first always appears better and more original than what comes after. If you succeed a great man or have a famous parent, you will have to accomplish double their achievements to outshine them. Do not get lost in their shadow, or stuck in a past not of your own making: Establish your own name and identity by changing course. Slay the overbearing father, disparage his legacy, and gain power by shining in your own way.

Law 42

Strike the Shepherd and the Sheep will Scatter

Trouble can often be traced to a single strong individual – the stirrer, the arrogant underling, the poisoned of goodwill. If you allow such people room to operate, others will succumb to their influence. Do not wait for the troubles they cause to multiply, do not try to negotiate with them – they are irredeemable. Neutralize their influence by isolating or banishing them. Strike at the source of the trouble and the sheep will scatter.

Law 43

Work on the Hearts and Minds of Others

Coercion creates a reaction that will eventually work against you. You must seduce others into wanting to move in your direction. A person you have seduced becomes your loyal pawn. And the way to seduce others is to operate on their individual psychologies and weaknesses. Soften up the resistant by working on their emotions, playing on what they hold dear and what they fear. Ignore the hearts and minds of others and they will grow to hate you.

Law 44

Disarm and Infuriate with the Mirror Effect

The mirror reflects reality, but it is also the perfect tool for deception: When you mirror your enemies, doing exactly as they do, they cannot figure out your strategy. The Mirror Effect mocks and humiliates them, making them overreact. By holding up a mirror to their psyches, you seduce them with the illusion that you share their values; by holding up a mirror to their actions, you teach them a lesson. Few can resist the power of Mirror Effect.

Law 45

Preach the Need for Change, but Never Reform too much at Once

Everyone understands the need for change in the abstract, but on the day-to-day level people are creatures of habit. Too much innovation is traumatic, and will lead to revolt. If you are new to a position of power, or an outsider trying to build a power base, make a show of respecting the old way of doing things. If change is necessary, make it feel like a gentle improvement on the past.

Law 46

Never appear too Perfect

Appearing better than others is always dangerous, but most dangerous of all is to appear to have no faults or weaknesses. Envy creates silent enemies. It is smart to occasionally display defects, and admit to harmless vices, in order to deflect envy and appear more human and approachable. Only gods and the dead can seem perfect with impunity.

Law 47

Do not go Past the Mark you Aimed for; In Victory, Learn when to Stop

The moment of victory is often the moment of greatest peril. In the heat of victory, arrogance and overconfidence can push you past the goal you had aimed for, and by going too far, you make more enemies than you defeat. Do not allow success to go to your head. There is no substitute for strategy and careful planning. Set a goal, and when you reach it, stop.

Law 48

Assume Formlessness

By taking a shape, by having a visible plan, you open yourself to attack. Instead of taking a form for your enemy to grasp, keep yourself adaptable and on the move. Accept the fact that nothing is certain and no law is fixed. The best way to protect yourself is to be as fluid and formless as water; never bet on stability or lasting order. Everything changes.

What is REALLY up with people these days!?!?

So it's been a minute and a few things have taken place. I had a super lucky streak a couple of weeks ago. Started with a phone race with me and my partner in crime, which ended with me winning a pair of Steve Harvey tix. WOOHOOO! The next day, I get a call from the station and I'm thinking "oh, I must've won the GRAND prize...to go backstage with Steve"...nope....incorrect. I won the Dewmocracy Sweepstakes they had been running on the website for a few weeks. I entered like 2 days in a row ( you could do it daily), and I won a new Dell Laptop. I was excited and then I was like "oh snap...I just won something yesterday, they not gonna let me get both"...incorrect again. Me, being the honest person that I am, called back up there to talk to homegirl and before I get my confession out, she stops me and says that she already knows that I won via phone yesterday and that it was all good. She makes the final call on things like this and because one was a call-in win and the other was a sweepstakes, I was good. STR8!!!....BUTTTTTTTTTTTTT I go in to get my tix b4 she goes away for a few days and NO tickets are there. I'm like wtf??! Here goes the drama. I fill out my paperwork and find out that Pepsi will be contacting me via phone (oh great...now I have to answer all the telemarketers calls JUST IN CASE it's Pepsi). Well luckily they didn't call my house, they actually called my cell phone and they called on that next day..the Friday while I was at work. Got everything squared away (although they had my Email address WRONG, my name spelled WRONG, and my zip code WRONG). I chose a pink laptop. That is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO not me. But I figured white would get dirty and tore up in no time and blue...well that's a lil too boy-ish for my taste. So pink it is. This has to be the end of my "lucky streak". Guess what? WRONG AGAIN! I get a call from Mr. (Solomon) Wise @ 7:19pm on Friday. I am out..chillin with Jigga and Mom Dukes in the front yard and I get a call on my cell phone from a Restricted #. Immediately my guard goes up...like okay..here goes some b***h who thinks I want her man and he probably lying saying he single and I don't even want him off jump ( BEEN THERE!! DONE THAT!!!) so I am ready to POUNCE!! Then I think, nah it's my cousin, last time she called her # was showing RESTRICTED and she told me it would because she got a # change and what not. So I answer and to my surprise, it is Mr Wise. I'm thrown SOOOOOOOOOOO off guard...like what is REALLYYYYYYYYY good. I have no words. I have all of a minute and 30 seconds to say whateva and I can't get nothin out but "what are you working on now!!???" HAHAHAH...so many things come to mind NOW and probably 5 seconds after the hang up. But I didn't seem like a stuttering confused groupie either. I did hold a conversation. It's like getting a call from the guy at the club that you thought was SOOOOOOOOO fine and he asked for ur #. Then he finally calls and u with your girlfriends chillin...u just excited but have NOT A SINGLE TOPIC TO SPEAK ON. :-) It started my weekend out right. Now I gotta wait a couple of weeks for the laptop to arrive. SIDE NOTE: I'm so sick of people asking me if I want to sell it. HELLLLLLLLLLLO??? Why would I sell a BRAND, NEW FREE LAPTOP..times not that damn hard. I might sell my old one..but not the new joint. Come on now!!!

Now....moving along to closer days. So I been chillin really. Work just been hectic and crazy for various reasons. WOW....health scares, thefts, attitudes, stupid *ish*. Hey, that's the BL for you. Real life soap opera. But outside of work, I just been grindin'. I haven't been clubbin'. That's typical for me this time of year. I ain't really mad about it. As long as I still do my one outting a month thing, then I'm good. I went to the movies a couple of weekends ago and house sat for my brotha. That was a fun and relaxing weekend I must say. A break from the norm. Got away from the house for a night. Me and Jigga just packed up and dipped. We both were worn the heck out though.

I've realized that for more individuals..it's time to change their 'status' in my life. Dead weights who aren't going anywhere. Like tryna get a $1 out of 15 cents. If it ain't there, it ain't there. They know it and I know it...okay, maybe they don't know it. But I do. The nice guy (well girl) routine I TRIED to implement in `08, just isn't working in some cases. I can at least say I tried. I don't have the patience for some of this stuff. Never will. I got that from my daddy. LOL I'm ready for a change. A big change...some know what I mean and others probably don't even have a clue. The question is...who do I take with me for this big change in my life!?!? That is still up to the jury and the biggest judge of all to decide (and I am not referring to myself).

The World Around Me...

So right now I'm bored out of my mind. Being bored leads to me doing one of several things:

1) Cleaning up
2) Being online
3) Sleeping (which I rarely do)
4) Being creative
5) Blogging because my mind is working overtime


Well today I have now done 4 of the 5. #4 has yet to kick in, but the night isn't over. Maybe I'll make some graphics or something a bit later. But right now, I'm here to speak on a few things going on in my head right about now. Where do I start though!?! Maybe my lack of loving V-A right now. I am in such a serious need of a vacation. A real one. Not this bullshit I've taken this week. I was off 3 out of the 5 work days and I didn't do anything in the form of entertainment. Wasted time!?!? Not really, can't say I got rest either because regardless of if I work or not, I wake up mad early. I did, however, sleep a bulk of the day on the 4th. I slept from around 5pm to 10 pm. Then I was up til 3 a.m. Saturday morning and woke up again at 7 a.m. How NOT surprising of me and my sleeping habits. So a vacation, one that requires leaving the area code would be some serious therapy right now. I did go to Kings Dominion last weekend, but that was a joke in itself. Way too hot and way too many people. I arrived at 11 a.m. and was back home by 3 p.m. I did run into one of my exes that I haven't seen since we were together and haven't talked to in a minute. It was good seeing him. Maybe we'll get back in touch (and no I don't mean in the hopes of a reunion in the form of a relationship)..unlike most, I am still friends with 95% of my exes. Weird..I know...but that's because most of my relationships have been mutually ended or have ended on a positive note. So that reunion was definitely a shock, since he lives in NC.

This weekend is the weekend that I was asked to take a trip of sorts with a certain someone. HAHAHAHAAH Another joke. I can only imagine the drama that would await my arrival on that one. If not that, the drama that would follow once I returned back to VA. I'll pass. And to tell me about the situation a friend had going on on this very same trip that is OHHHH so similar to the b.s. going on with this person, cracks me up. This whole scenerio is getting old. Time to fess up to what I Know....but I have to do it right and at the right moment to get the best ending effect. Everytime I think about the time and efforts made for this person and to know that a bulk of this time was built around lies...it makes me ill.

I think I need to start back writing on a regular. It seems to help me cope with alot of things that I am going through, dealing with, or feeling at that time. My next subject will be that based on a relationship with a certain guy who has been in my life for a longgggggggggggggg time. There has been breaks in between but we've always seemed to find one another again someway and somehow. This last break was very long and I thought maybe this was it, but it wasn't. Recently he opened up to me and told me some very deep stuff and then felt bad about telling me, thinking it would change things. Well unlike alot of immature and ignorant people, I tend to grow closer to someone who can open up and let me into their inner most feelings and thoughts. I myself am not that open, but when I feel close enough to someone that I feel the need and/or desire to spill my heart out to them, it says ALOT. Too many times has this been taken for granted. I always say the truth hurts, but it's the right thing to do. The saying that it's better to be hated for who you are, than loved for who you aren't...is beyond true. I've come to realize that alot of people are quick to tell you that they will always be there for you and all this, because it's something conditioned into people's heads to say...but when the chips fall down, we all see that there are very few genuine people who truly stick around through thick and thin. I value those friends who have stuck by me through some of my most TRYING times. Times that many of my close friends still weren't allowed in on, not because I didn't trust them, but because it really didn't deal with anything that I felt they could help me with. It kinda makes no sense looking from the outside, but it makes alot of sense from the inside.

I also need to re-think this whole super OPEN MINDED TOYA phase. It's really not what it's cracked up to be and it's way harder than I thought. I am really breaking down some of my own desires and wants and I think I'm allowing myself to 'settle' once again for things that in the long run, aren't going to work out because I know deep down, it's not something for me. Some things...maybe...but others...no way! Might as well face the facts.

So I feel an insomnia night coming on...it's all these thoughts running through my head like freight trains. Thoughts like "I'm hungry", "Why is Jigga so scared of flies now!!?!?", "What am I gonna do tomorrow?" ,"Do I REALLY want to get a new car??", "Why do people say they wanna hang out and then when you offer...NOTHING", "why did I sign up for 4 free voicemail #s"? LOL And why have I been watching "Animal Cops" constantly for like a week now??? Just random thoughts...running through my head!! It's gonna be a long night...and I'm sure I'll have more to say tomorrow...but until then...it's a wrap on this entry!!!

Throwback poem I wrote

How I Feel (Part 1)

I could say "I Love You"
But that wouldn't do
Because to just say that;
It wouldn't be completely true

I value you more
Than I value my own life
And someday in the future
I hope to be your wife

I wait patiently for the day
That you and I get together
From that day I will be there
To care for you forever

Everyday it's the same dream
Of being held tightly in your arms
Because of the way you are
With all your wit and charm

When we get together
It's gonna be great, you see
Because I know God will be with us
Watching over you and me

The feelings I have for you
Boy, you couldn't possibly know
But it seems as time passes on
These feelings tend to grow

I wish I knew a way to show you
That these feelings are for real
I mean what would I lie for
Come on, you know the deal

Of course, we'd have some problems
But there'd only be a few
Because I would do my best
To only satisfy you

I've tried other relationships
But making them work was too hard
It was like starting with a full deck
And choosing all the wrong cards

With u it would be different
Because for our roles, we'll play the parts
In my new deck, you'll be my King of Spades
And me your Queen of Hearts

Damn I hate it when she does that................

I got so much on my mind right now. So it'll be one of those super vague ass posts. Yea...I'm even cursing here and there. But it is what it is. See it's like this. I haven't made a post in awhile. Mainly because it hasn't been too much going on in my life that's different. Same ol same ol...and no need in wasting my time typing that up. With that being said...where do I start on this one. Well...typical Toya story...but I have reunited with yet another of my friends from the past. This one way different from the other. See I am sooooooooooo glad he found me and sooooooooo glad he didn't lose hope in trying to link back up with me. Why!?!? Because, we go wayyyyyyyyyyyyy back. And unlike the other situation....it's not a bunch of bullshit and drama involved. Yea, alot has changed in both our lives....but that's my boo right there....aka "my baby daddy". So just in case you reading this.....I am truly grateful to have you back around and this time....no losing touch. I don't care if you gotta send smoke signals. :-)

On to the other situation......HA! What a joke! He still thinks I'm slow and naive and don't know what's really good over there. KNEE GROW please. You messing with the wrong one. I know the REAL DEAL...and I'ma keep letting you think you stringing me along. NO doubt...you have been one of my best friends and you have helped me out of alot of tough times..but you are also one of the worst 'moments' in my life. No doubt..our situation has been like a drug habit. I keep going back and every time the bullshit and side effects are worse. But I think I've grown in the past year and I now know how unhealthy you are for me. So we'll still have our minimal conversation....but that Pickett Fence, a dog, 2.5 kids shit went out the door the day my Spy Kit (LOL) turned up the evidence.

What else....well I been enjoying life for the most part. I had a very down moment last week. I think it was due to the crappy weather. Clouds and rain. Made me think way into things that I generally don't dwell on or think about. It's crazy. I'm alot better now...thanks to a couple of friends that I can truly open up to...and even if I don't go way into the story....they know how to bring my head back above water. I appreciate you guys more than my non-emotional ass will ever show.

I will say this though...I'm tired of people being inconsiderate of my efforts, time, and sacrifice. SERIOUSLY...this is becoming a problem. Now I will let things slide a couple of times....cuz yea...things happen and *ish* comes up. But what you will not do is constantly take advantage of me. I'm a good person to have on your side and on your team........so when I'm done....I'm REALLY done.....and ain't shit I can do or will do for you once you have gone over the line. Yea I can be harsh...cuz I like things to be timely and by the book....but showing come consideration is SOOOOOOOOOO easy these days....text message, call, email something. I don't know about the next man...but I don't have time to be wasting. Weekends are MY time...don't waste MY time. If you say you gonna do something..then damn DO IT!! If you can't or won't...then let somebody know. DAMN THAT SHIT PISSES ME OFF!!!!!!!!!

And on that note...im mad. .....and I'm out!!!!

I know........but do they know

So it's been like a month. I don't realllly remember what I said in the last blog and I don't feel like going back and then finishing this up. Soooooooooooo with that said, off the dome, let's see....Since that last time, I have had a reaction to some medicine which led to Hives. The only good part about it is..my nurse was a male...whom I've been dying to have be my nurse cuz he's kinda cute. HAHAHA! I've also had 2 bladder infections...and my headache issue is starting to come back ever so slowly. Go figure. I did get a promotion @ work. Pretty much...I'm as high as I wanna go..for now!! My job duties haven't changed persay. I can't seem to get rid of the pesky duties that I truly want to rid myself of though.

Jigga (aka my child) has been getting meaner and meaner. Probably my fault...but that's all good. He must've been super depressed when I went out of town earlier this month because he was fine when I first got home, but the next day..he wouldn't eat. Wouldn't walk...just slept. It was insane. He had an attitude for the longest. I guess now I'm stuck taking him with me whenever I go out of town.

I haven't been doing much this month...chillin, spendin' time with the fam. April will be a busy month. Got alot planned and tentatively scheduled. We'll see how much actually goes according to plan. I know one thing, I have like 11 vacation days already and not 1 day planned off yet. I will NOT let it go to waste. Believe that.

Let's see...what else went down this month?? I reunited with a very close friend. :-) I became closer to an already established friend. I grew apart from a few others. So I guess everything balanced out. LOL I decided to start working out a lil bit...well more like a lot of bit. I lost 9 lbs in 6 days. I'm definitely focused and motivating MYSELF for the most part. I got a few outfits I need to fit like they used to. LOL They fit..but ummm..things don't fall into place like that have in the past.

I think that about does it for today's entry. If anything else comes to mind. I'll come add it back when I come back to add my smilies. LOL

2008....something's gotta give

So 2008 is starting out pretty good when it comes to drama. Bare minimum with that. HOWEVER, I been sick....like 3 times and it's not even March yet. This shit not cool. I've called out twice from work in less than a month. Again...not me. I've called out TWICE in 3 years prior to this crap. I ain't feeling this weather. 75 one day, then 2 days later we barely hitting mid 30's. It's crazy.

Besides being sick, 2008 has started with alot of the changes I said I'd make or try to make. I haven't really had much bored/downtime. But last year started out this exact same way. I had a great night out for my bday (besides the usual no shows and cancellations). I still had a ball. All those who really DOWN with me like that came through and we had a ball like always. I've actually been the movies twice. I think I went twice last year. LOL Sad right!?!? (it was more like 5 times..but still...that's not cool). Got plans to pretty much do something every weekend for the next month or so, and it feels GOOD. I decided to rearrange some thoughts and PEOPLE in my circle and it seems to be working out just fine. I'm actually driving on one of my voyages. What a shock!! All my peoples know I hate driving...but i'ma step it up and go ahead and push the whip and have a passenger for once. LOL That's gonna be one for the books. Atlantic City trip in April. Another story waiting to be told.

Still not really talking to **HIM**. I have my reasons for being short and sweet. Hmmmph

On another more serious note, I have a friend that has been lying to me about something VERY important for like 7 years now. This subject has come up in conversation SOOOOOOOOO many times, and I always get the same answer or same kinda answer. No matter how you look at it, the answers I get...are and were lies. The first time it came up, I blew up and was like okay I gotta walk out of this 'friendship' cause why would you keep this on the hush?!?!?! I'm always honest and open about my life and happenings, so why would you not reciprocate and give me the same courtesy. I have very few people I consider FRIENDS and this person is definitely TOP 5. So anyways, recently, me being the investigator that I am dig some digging and lo and behold, what I thought to be...really is/was. Have I mentioned to this person that I know the truth....NO. Am I going to....in due time. Right now, I am just waiting on the right time to bring it up. When is the right time though? In talking to a male friend of mine (who is NOT TOP 5..lol), he's like if it doesn't matter and won't change you being friends with this person, then why bring it up?!?!?! Why, because of the principal of the whole thing. Hidden truths are very close to lies when it comes to certain things. And as I told this friend from day one, no matter what, I will always consider you one of my best friends. Unless you do some shiesty ish TO me or mine....then it's whatever. This person has been there for me when nobody else was or could be. I'm not a very open person when it comes to things that I am going through, but I've always been able to rely on this individual at the lowest of times. I have always been honest about things, even when it probably didn't seem appropriate or right. So why be honest with me and tell me all other things and leave out this one MAJOR important thing!?!? When I've said to you, now is the time to be up front about any and everything.....it is what it is...just let me know. NOPE..same ol sob story. So okay....I give the benefit of the doubt...EVERYTIME because I know other people can stretch and exaggerate things and twist up information to make them win or look good. But nope..the proof is in the pudding.....and I'm just like wow! Why do people lie about stuff that they don't have to lie about?? Why lie when either way the cookie crumbles, it's all gravy??? I don't understand and I probably never will....but eventually I'll get sick of holding my newly acquired knowlege in and will let this person know that I've known for a few months now, that I know the REAL deal and it hurts to know that they couldn't be true enough to our relationship/friendship to just admit to it.

Oh well...I feel like crap..so enough blabbing for today. Time to lay back and wait on this stupid azz bad weather to creep up. It can be bad like that fa real...and I'll be at the house tomorrow. I have to prepare for my card party which is on Sat anywayz!!

Until next time...I'm out...Phukkkkaaazzz!!!

Join This! Join That!

Okay, time to finally start writing about SOMETHING. I decided today to discuss the 1000 things I have been hoodwinked into joining and/or signing up for in the last month or so. I rejoined Crush Spot. Its aight. A bit childish I must say, but hey..whatever. I checked back on my Xanga. Nothing happening over there. Everybody is on their blogspot tip these days. I'm diggin' it. I joined WAYN...that has to be the dumbest site ever. Fubar...it is okay, but its full of ugly old men who are perverted and have no kinda respect. I check it every now again. They have some neat, creative perks, but its alot of crazies on there. LOL. Hoverspot is pretty cool. I can tell it hasn't been around long because it doesn't seem to have TOO many people on there. The good think about it is that you earn points for getting people to join and other things you do on the site, these points in turn earn you the change to win prizes like IPODS. Yuwie is a networking site in which you earn MONEY for posting blogs, sending emails, updating your layout, leaving comments, rating others pages, etc. It's okay. You just have to get used to it.


The coolest and freshest I joined was That's Hip Hop. This site is really new. It gives Hip Hop/music news, info, rumors, etc. But it's also a networking site. If you join, use referral code 5666. :-)


Anywayz...I also signed up for a bunch of research panels and survey sites that pay you cash and prizes. Once I get the pay off, I'll holla back on if its worth joining those or not. :-) 

Might as well use it

So I created this blog(spot) like ages ago, back when I was sick of Xanga and the drama over there. I never used it though. Figured I'd start now. Might as well right!!?!? It's free. It's an outlet. Right now, it's also kinda HOT on the streets. LOL So here I am. I'll find something to report on and hit this up later. :-)

Come holla!



NOTE: All posts prior to this one were made on my Xanga. They have been moved to have them all here in one location!


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