Life is what you make it.....

Life sure can deal you a hand sometimes that you can play so many ways and each one comes with its own set of consequences and outcomes that could impact so many other things. I tend to get these hands ALL of the time. I must say that most of the time, I feel as though I have chosen the right cards. I have thrown out the bad ones and laid them on the table before the game ended. Some cards I could've thrown out sooner than I chose to, but nonetheless they got thrown out. There have been times that I just stopped plucking cards from the deck. So used to the hand I was given and the cards I was used to holding, that I didn't want to take on anything "new". I soon figured out that in life, you have to take certain risks. You have to allow new cards to come into your hand otherwise you might miss out on the cards you need to win the game!

Right now, I'm not sure if I'm playing Spades, Deuces, Poker or what. I feels like I Declare War. Not sure if I should just quit the game or stick it out. The hand I have is stressing me out. Do I cheat the game? Do I keep the cards I have and wait it out? Do I just move on to another game that I'm more used to and that I know I can win? Do I sabotage the game? I'm at a crossroads on this one. I know what my "gut" is TRYING to tell me but there's still yet another voice that says something else.

NOTE: This "game" can be applied to alot of situations I am dealing with at the moment. So those who really KNOW me....don't assume you know which situation this is in reference to. ;-)

On another note, there are a few things irritating the hell out of me right now. One of which are people who will mooch off certain people but then won't do that with others. Like, if you wouldn't do this with your family or certain other friends...why do you think it's all good to do that *ish* with me? These people don't have a problem begging and asking you for this or that or to do this or that...but absolutely won't go to others for it and they are the ones you claim will do anything for you. Okay well take it to them. Also, what's good with these people who do *ish* for show. I guess it's another category to go along with internet gangsters and fake models and CEOs. People who act super nice and so into God or just plain extra when in reality they are doing the most ungodly of things. I don't claim to be a saint and I definitely won't PRETEND to be that way for anyone. I am who I am and God knows exactly what that means. I could definitely improve in plenty of areas and that's a work in progress, but you won't see me putting off a fake persona to cover up the "other" things that I do. There are some CONFUSED individuals walking amongst us. I will pray for them.

Gotta do better

I really suck at keeping this blog updated. I'll set out to post at some point and never get back here. *smh* Ahhh well.

So the weekend has been pretty nice. No snow and plenty of sunshine. When I say that I am ready for Spring....you can't imagine how much. Time goes up an hour next weekend. I'm happy about that too. I don't sleep alot so this extra hour stuff is for the birds. I'm ready for longer days...more sunshine...more time to be productive before the sun goes down. Yesssiiirrr! I am just ready to start really enjoying life without a big coat, scarf, gloves, boots, etc. *rolls eyes*

Right now, I'm just trying to keep my head above water. Been dealing with alot of stress for all different kinds of angles. Work, personal issues, relationship issues, life issues.....it's like when it rains it definitely poors. Felt like I was hit with a tsunami wave of pure drama for a minute. Things are getting better in most areas. I am definitely happy about that. I am trying to plan a few outtings and trips to "get away". It's long overdue and very much deserved.

My other half is in NY right now. Thought I wouldn't really miss him as much as I do. I think you get used to certain things and when it's quiet...it's just weird. I think I miss my nerves being plucked. LOL. I'm used to our fake beefin' and constant checking of one another. It's strange but that's just how we roll. Could I be falling head over heels? The jury is still out on that one. I'm not quick to jump on the Love Boat. So we will just see how things play out. That's my boo though...regardless of our simple petty issues. Better that then the major drama that others go through I guess.

Just an illusion

Some things are clearly not what they seem to be. It's just an interpretation of what you THINK you are seeing. This can be applied to actual events/people/words and the list goes on. Personally, I am speaking about people. You should definitely never judge a book by it's cover. But then you also can't always go by what you encounter with someone in the beginning as being what they are really about. There are definitely some wolves in sheep clothing running around causing havoc. On the other side, you just never know where you will find that "one" or a very good friend. It might not always be how and where you would think. I think my closest friends are probably people that I never thought would be in my life for more than a season or during a period of employment at a certain job, but instead they have grown to be my rocks, my entertainment, my own personal journals that I can tell all my secrets. It's crazy how life works. "Love" definitely doesn't always come in the package that you think it will. If you wait around for the exact size, shape, and wrapping for this package , you just might miss out on the best thing you could ever have. I am so glad I am open minded and not super petty/picky when it comes to certain things...I would probably have missed out on what I have right now. Someone who cares for me unconditionally....excepts me flaws and all (Lord knows I got em...). That deals with my moods and attitude and unemotional self wholeheartedly. If the shoe were on the other foot, I'd probably throw the towel in with me. LOL I've also picked up a few great friends lately. Good vibes flowing...no trickery or phony individuals. I'm so ready for what 2010 has to offer. Despite being sick as the year was brought in....I have faith that it will be a good one and I plan to make the most of it.

Hi Ho Hi Ho..it's off to work I go...

Back to work today. Felt strange. Like it was my first day on a new job. I've been there 5 years so that is definitely not the case. My day started out busy...steady but fine and ended up hectic/stressful and with a headache. It's all good. I can take it! One day at a time! Wooosahhhh! Going to be hard getting back in the swing of full 5 day work weeks since I haven't had one of those in almost 2 months. :-\

My bday is next Tuesday. Can't wait....I slacked on the plans being made hella early this time. This weather in V-A is so shady it's hard to plan anything. I didn't go above and beyond last year like I try to do every year..but I'll have fun nonetheless. I'll be surrounded by the people I love for 2 days and I have a 3 day weekend. So I'm good.

If you've been keeping up with my posts, then there's no super update on Jigga. He's still having seizures. He went from every 2 weeks 1 seizure in the beginning when they started to now he is on 2 medicines and they come a month apart and he has 1 every day for 3 days in a row. Is that better? To me....no! As I type it has been a month and a week. Not a serious milestone because the longest he's gone is a month + 1 week + a day seizure free. I'm hoping that the new medicine (potassium bromide) is in his system well enough now to make a difference. He's maxed out with the pills and they up them anymore but the liquid he has some serious room to play. *fingers crossed* He has gained weight from the meds since 1) he has to eat with the medicine 2) it makes him eat more 3) it causes weight gain. He's 11 lbs. You can't tell unless you saw him smaller, but they say technically he is obese. *side eye* Still looks teeny to me. He just grew into his long legs and his head still the size of a baby apple. HA! Hopefully I'll be able to report the lack of seizures for the next few posts.

Oh yea..before I dip out....this is the update of my list from 2009:

1) a great two day 30th Birthday celebration


2) being in DC for the Presidential Inauguration


3) going to NY to visit the other fam I have up there


4) getting out and doing more fun stuff (less clubbin' more....something else!!)


5) taking a vacation, or 2, or 3


6) settling down *gasp* ....we'll see about this one


7) reaching that 5 year mark at my job. That is an ABSOLUTE first for me... 2.5 years is usually my max @ a place of employment ** UPDATE ** not there yet.. 4 months and 2 days to go!!!


8) a new whip -- this is kinda TOP priority!!

9) Head to the beach in June for my homegirl's bday

10) Go against the grain and see what's good with "him"! -- FAIL!! NOTHING WAS GOOD

11) Write more - the poems clear my mind -- wrote some but not as much as I wanted to

12) Get another part time gig....technically I have 2 side gigs..but yea...I need #3



I didn't do TOO bad! :-)

On To The Next One.....

This post is not about the new Jay Z video either. I have seen it and find it quite strange but hey..it's Jay...expect anything. Now all the Devil worshiping assumptions are on Code Red levels all over the internet. *shrugs* If he does...ahh well. Anywho, my title of this entry is of course about the new year. 2010 is here and I'm glad to be here to see it. 2009 was not so good but not one of the worst for me personally. Nowhere near the drama and emotional drainage as 1997 and 2007 caused. Hollywood lost alot of people last year. It didn't "pay" to be famous. Both young and old, big names and D listers had their lives taken away in one way or another. It was just all so crazy.


So I need to go back to my 2009 list of goals/achievements list I posted and update it some more. See what I actually did that I said I was going to do. Since I don't do resolutions, I just strive to be a better me that's really all I plan to work the most on. There are some things I did have on last year's list that I definitely need to work on this year. Main goal....to take a vacation. A true one. One that takes me from work for a week. I haven't had a true vacation since 1997. Yea....13 years!! WTF!?!?!?! Yea..def. gonna work on that.

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/UniiqueChiq

Still standing....

So I realized that once again I have been slacking on this here blog. So many other places on the net take up my time that I seriously neglect these neck of the woods. So what's been going on..... it's gotten super cold...SUPER QUICK and I'm not feeling it. I despise this time of the year...having to warm up the car (which requires allowing extra time in the morning), scraping ice and whatever off of windows and windshields, crappy weather ruining plans, slick roads, etc. It's not my cup of tea. That's why I don't like having a winter birthday. You can never really plan for it. Especially not in V-A. One year it was almost 80 the week before my birthday and then cold as ever ON my birthday. Go figure. Speaking of my bday, I'm slacking this year on making plans. Usually everything is set and in place by November. Now it's Dec. and I have no clue what I want to do. All I know is...it's gonna be a different game plan than my usual. I'm ready for something NEW!

I had a strange experience with a psychic a few weeks ago. So strange that I try not to even talk about it anymore. I didn't GO see a psychic....I was in Walmart shopping and she randomly starts talking to me. It began with talking about my shirt and then she starting in on me and later on my mother. Trust, I believe there are TRULY clairvoyant people, but I also believe there are wayyyy more fakes. So I don't entertain nonsense. I didn't even tell her anything. That's what most of em do, they let you TELL them stuff and they basically tell you the same thing back. So I just nodded or said nothing. So after telling me alot of things that were very specific and hit close to home...she asks if me or my mother is having problems with our stomach. I'm like UHHH NO. My mom is like no. So now I'm like okay..time to go..she's nuts. She is insistent that I call her the next which I had no intentions of doing, but she keeps mentioning a stomach issue. Well the next day....low and behold my stomach drama begins. Now believe me..I ignored this lady and all she said. Wrote it off and never gave it anymore thought...until 3 days later...I'm in serious pain from my stomach...nauseous..and just OVER IT and my mom jokes about the psychic. Long story short, I end up having to go to the doctor on the 4th day. Couldn't even go to work....str8 to the doctor....and was given a prescription for stomach spasms and other drama. It was crazy. I'm over it and no longer going to that Walmart. LMAO.


...... so I just had a brainfart and forgot half of what I wanted to speak on. Guess I'll come back later when it comes back to me. LOL

If I Could Turn ...Back The Hands of Time

So the clocks rolled back an hour on Sunday morning at 2 a.m. When I say I can't STAND this time of year, it's an understatement. I already don't sleep much, and now I find myself waking up (for no reason mind you) at 4 and 5 a.m. It's dark when I leave for work and dark when I get home from work. It's the worst. I thought they said they were going to put an end to Daylights Savings Time. (Don't ask me who "they" are.....I really couldn't tell you). This time is good for people who never can seem to get enough sleep..they love that extra hour. For me, it's just another hour I am up without a cause. *sigh*

Anywho....what do I want to talk about today.....hmmm let's see. What about "attention whores"? Me, I try to stay out of the spotlight, limelight, whatever you want to call it. I try to keep a low profile. I've never been one to crave attention from others. I don't try to be extra nor do I try to flaunt my assets to get attention. It truly urks me when I see individuals doing this. It's sad and most of the time it's actually due to a lack of self esteem/confidence. It be the same ones out there BEGGING for someone to notice them that want to walk around calling others "thirsty". Come on....you walking around with "cotton mouth" your damn self.

That is all....that sums it up. Not a whole lot of babbling needed to express how I feel about that one.

Google Wave

So I signed up for an invitation ages ago. Kinda forgot all about it. I think it was right after I got Google Voice, which is quite a handy tool when you want a FAKE local number to hand out. LOL Anywho, I just got my actual invite yesterday for Google Wave and signed up. I am a newbie and really have no clue, but I guess it's the newest hype since Twitter and I'll see if I like it or not. I have 17 invites left. It is still in PREVIEW phase, so even with an invite it might be a minute before you are actually granted access to sign up. If you would like to get an invite, please comment and leave me your email address.

Could it be....

"It's cool, not tryin to put a rush on you
I had to let you know that I got a crush on you"

Damn..this hasn't happened to me in years!! Since my middle school days....but I think I can admit that I have crush on someone. :-X Is it still called a crush as an adult?? LOL I mean it's crazy. Sad thing is, I deny it. No real reason to hide it. I mean, it isn't a crush to be ashamed of or anything. Just....hmmm I dunno. In time, maybe I will reveal it, but for now. I'll keep it on the low low. My friends don't really suspect it, it's more so that they try to encourage a relationship between me and "HIM". I really feel like a little school girl with this one. Let's see how it all plays out. It's just alot of things that might not make it work if the issue was pressed. HMMMM

SN: I know I am sick of hearing about this freakin' balloon boy. After seeing the CNN interview and the "home film" of when the balloon took off.....I'm thinking publicity stunt/hoax. Come on now!?!?! Waste of resources and time.