Reflections of 2019

It's been almost 2 years since I made a blog post. I didn't have the desire or need (so I thought) to write.. but here I am. Back at it. Not only do I NEED this post, maybe somebody else does. Not just individuals who may be dealing with some of the topics at hand or maybe those who are GUILTY of some of them. Like always, I never actually put specific things in my blog. People who know, know. People can also assume that they are the subjects being referenced. It is what it is. I no longer have the desire or patience for certain things. I'm tired of being a broken record and tired of just being TIRED. People who KNOW me..know how I am about certain things yet these are the EXACT people who pet all my damn peeves. Who do all the simple petty bullshit that DRIVE ME UP A WALL. I made it my business to longer tolerate constant BS from anybody. I REFUSE. It didn't take a NEW year to do so. I put this into effect when it finally hit me. I've always been TOUGH when it comes to who I let into my world. I keep a guard up for so many reasons. To get NEXT to me is totally a privilege and not something for the weak or just anybody. This will be a rambling post. There is ALOT I need to "get up off my chest" and writing has always been the best way and now it is almost the only way because things I've experienced and seen the last 2 months have shown me....I have me, myself,and I and maybe 3 or 4 people I can depend on at ALL times. I consider myself a very dependable ride or die FRIEND...and I go hard for you, I expect the exact same in return. If it's not reciprocated in the same capacity...then we aren't in fact FRIENDS.

Anyways....let's get to my 2019....

Year started out great. In FL, surrounded by my friends and brother and other half for my 40th Bday. Trip had a few moments that tested me. A few PEOPLE tested me.... LORD KNOWS!!! But I didn't and wouldn't let it take away from the experience and the birthday that I wanted. It was a success afterall. Especally since I missed the snow back in Richmond. (EXACTLY WHY I WANTED TO HEAD OUT!)

Well only a few weeks after the birthday, all hell began to break loose. I was sick as a dog. I had no voice for almost 2 weeks. Got majorly violated ..not once but twice by a thief. Thankfully all was recovered and life got back to pretty much normal. It was a minor setback for a major comeback.

I did travel quite a bit. Won a trip to Philly and it coincided with Iverson's Iverson Classic game in PA. OF COURSE I WENT...and your girl sat right behind A.I. and his fam. Star struck..ummm yesssss!!! Turns out Jadakiss was also staying in the hotel I was in which was FABULOUS by the way. They definitely showed out trying to show me a good time for that win from Visit Philly. Shout out to them!

Vacation was soon after. That was fun. Finally hit up the ATL for the first time. It was hot as hades but shockingly it was hotter in Richmond that week than it was in Atlanta. I had a ball but there are so many stones left unturned so I must go back.

Fast forward to the fall/winter...with season changes come other changes. My life got turned completely upside down out of nowhere. Don't really care to elaborate on the subject at hand but what I will say is you TRULY learn who has your back and your best interest at heart when something goes down. Thank God I'm a go getter and I don't wait on other people to get my *ish* together. I got shit cracking ON MY OWN. I was at my lowest I've been in years. Lost 16 lbs... not eating...breaking down at work....all types of shit. Crazy thing about it all...how quickly people no longer seem to give a f**k about how you are doing. I don't like attention nor do I seek it, however, even the strongest people need a shoulder at times. It was so quickly after that the texts/calls to 'check in' stop. Almost 2 months later, I'm still NOT OKAY. I can admit it...I'll say I am but the REAL ONES who been there through it KNOW. They demand to SEE my face because they can't go by what I "tell" them. I am always the one here and there for EVERYBODY else when they need me. Checking in so often it's worrisome at times but when a bitch going through it it's like crickets. But guess what....I've learned and my eyes are wide TF open. I had people turn victim and make me the bad guy (girl). I didn't do anything to anybody yet I am the one who everybody wants to hate. WTF!?!? Oh okay..this what we doing. I swear I wish I could just up and move away. I feel like hell nobody would care or notice my absence cuz ain't nobody really giving me their time anyway. Everybody is TOO busy. HA..that's another joke. I STAY busy and at least TRY to stay busy but I still make time for who and wtf I want to. And trust and believe if one of my FRIENDS need me..I'm there one way or another. But that's just me though I guess. The people I expect the least to be able to check in, hang out, or just get my mind off of the BS....are the exact ones who been there. The people I JUST let into my world.....BEEN RIGHT THERE WITH ME. Imagine that. It's all good though. All my blessings been flowing and they shall continue but people gonna feel my absence and know that I NO LONGER have time either. Not that I'm busy....it's just...I refuse to be backburnered any longer. It's a joke when everybody says "I'm here if you need me"...minute you TRULY need them because you are in a bad space and.... well...their too busy. YEA I KNOW..it's COOL. It's really not but I don't have the fight in me no more. It is what it is.

What else has 2019 taught me? 1.My patience in now in the negatives for certain things. Certain types of people. Things that pet my peeves. Like I hate small talk. Do not call me if all you have to say is hey. In fact, you don't even have to text me if that's the case. Unless you following up with a "I just wanted to check on you"... please leave me ALONE.

2.I still don't really like talking on the phone unless it's necessary because it's too much to type. I got much better and did start calling versus texting to a couple people but BLAH....if I can text it, then it'll be texted.

3.People are very inconsiderate. I'll never understand why people won't keep people updated or let them know of a change immediately. Inconveniencing other people is lame as f**k. If "we" plan to do something, ESPECIALLY WITH SUPER EARLY NOTICE, a heads up leading up to that day about potential changes or cancellations is much appreciated. What I can not stand is a PLAN being in action and then either I have to reach out to YOU to find out WTF is going on or last minute you be like oh such and such and you KNEW this long ago...not only could I have done something else BUT now you just on my last one. My plan to curb this is...well I ain't making many plans with folks going forward. I'm the planner clearly because typically if I don't set shit u...nothing goes down. I'm tired of that shit too. For once can I just show up to some shit and not have to do all the damn leg work.

4.Loyalty is a dying thing. I don't even want to begin to go into how my eyes on this shit here have been opened. People will turn on you in a hot ass second when THEY KNOW YOU BETTER THAN THAT. It's kind of amusing though in the end to realize how STUPID some people are. But you got it.

5.People's perceptions of me are so off. I will do what I can for people. I stick my neck out time and time again. Not for anything in return, HOWEVER, being totally take advantage. When it's time to reciprocate....CRICKETS!!! All good on that too. Your access has expired. I can't do nothing for you.

6.Sometimes your Day Ones aren't people who've been in your life for a LONG time...they Day started when you first got close with them. I have a few DAY ONES who just came on board the Toya Train in the last few months and they've shown more love, concern, loyalty, and ALL'AT than people who I thought had my best interests at heart. I appreciate them and I make sure to let them know it.

7.It's okay to ask for help. I still don't really ask for anything. I'm such a go-getter. I like to get stuff on my own and most things I feel like I shouldn't have to ASK for. If you know I need it, then offer. This isn't just a material things conversation. I get it..some people don't know what to say or do to offer support etc...but saying NOTHING says ALOT. At the same time, don't just say shit cuz it "sounds good". If you aren't going to stand on your word...then yea don't say shit. That "if you need anything, don't hesitate to call/reach out"...then you do and it's the I'm busy BS. Ummm ok...thanks for being "there".

8.People make time for who and what they want. I am a firm believer in this. People can kill all that we are adults and this and that and this. Believe you me, if I can make time for various things and people at the drop of dime...it can be done and I will do all in my power to make time for those I care about. If I have to leave one thing early or move some shit around...I will.and I DO. I can be the busiest person at times but still...if I can do it..so can others. The lack of effort to even do so...speaks volumes. SORRY NOT SORRY! #NOTED

9.Private life might not be a happy life persay but it damn sure is a BETTER one. People take social media so serious and all to heart. Yes, some people post every waking moment of their life. The highs...the lows. I post WTF I think is funny, eye opening, it might apply to me or it might not....I post irrelevant shit. I post quotes...whatever I WANT cuz it's my page(s) ...but you can't tell what is going on in my REAL life just from my posts. Just that I travel here and there and I love my dog. My ups and downs aren't displayed. You can assume plenty of shit but never really know and that's exactly how I like it.

10.I'm not as UNemotional as I used to be and my feelings have been hurt, smashed, and tested more than I care to recall in 2019. I shed more tears in 2019 than probably the last decade and most were silent tears. Tears NOBODY knew I shed. Why...for 1 I never want to be a burden to others and push my problems on other people. 2....half the time people are just nosey and don't GAF what you are going through anyway. I know this firsthand too...they disappear after they get the "scoop". #DUECES 3 because very few people actually GET IT. Hell most people don't even understand me. I know who does and I now know without a doubt who I can go to at any hour when I need a shoulder to lean on. My true ROCKS. I can't express to them enough how grateful I am to have them. No matter distance...time of day...LIFE outside of the friendship...they are there. These are the ones who tell me time and time again..no need to "thank" me..that's what friends are for. I can't help myself though. People need to know they are appreciated. So many users in this here world...who take and take without appreciation. I feel the need to let those I appreciate KNOW it every chance I get.

This list could totally go on and on. I'll probably have to come back with another entry to rant and vent about some other stuff. It's just SOOOOOO much. People urk me. If you don't want it done to you then why do it to others!??! People are selfish and trifling to say the least. Don't care who they inconvenience. Don't care about people's plans or what they are trying to do. Don't care that their decisions or lack of updates/information can impact so many other things. Don't care that their "friend" is hurting and need someone. Don't care about ANYTHING unless they benefit from it. Ehh...I have alot of peeves. I can't even lie and say oh i'll work on this and that...no I still refuse to except certain bs behavior from adults. I still refuse to be late. I still despise waiting on people. I still despise procrastinators. I still despise have to reach out to people who need to be reaching out to me. I still despise being the planner for EVERYTHING...and I still despise that I am the one who checks up on everybody else. Plenty of this will end...or has started to end. I swear I wanted to change my number for 2020. It wouldn't impact that many because hell nobody uses it....lol But then I've had the number since 2001 and I don't even want to change it. Instead, I am going to just stop being the one who reaches out first. Phone been REAL dry... lol AHH WELL!!!!

I think this will do...for now... I'll be back before my 41st on the 12th. I know I'll have plenty more to say....

Where did the year go!?!?

So I really haven't blogged since the end of 2016. Terrible. I thought I had at least did an entry or two. Ahh well! It's that time again to talk about my year. 2017. This was an interesting year to say the least. It was good for the most part but then it just turned to total CRAP!!! I had many tests. Between life, relationship/friendship, health, work.....it was a whirlwind of both emotion and action. Some relationships got stronger and others took a nose dive. But hey, that's life. I learned alot about myself and others in 2017. I'm wayyyyy more emotional now than I've been in the past. Guess it's time to not be such a hard rock when I'm really a gem right!?!?! LOL So many highs and lows this year. The lows were few but they were SOOOO low they kind of outweigh the good. I felt the worst kind of hurt ever. I felt vulnerable and unsafe. I felt exposed and scared. These aren't things I've used to describe me or my life ever. It's totally unfair to have to deal with any of it due to the unselfish and disloyal actions of another. Someone who is supposed to LOVE you and PROTECT you, yet be the biggest source of putting you in harms way. I never understand how anyone can LOVE someone and then destroy them or hurt them SO deep. How does love allow you to do that??!? I don't claim to have the strongest conscience but if I genuinely love and care for someone, I just CANNOT and WILL NOT do you dirty. Even if it's not intentional ... if there is a chance of hurting them I just will not do whatever it is. Especially not for some selfish, self gratifying temporary reason. That's foolish and CRAZY to say the least. It's cowardly. It's STUPID. It's unfair and it's WRONG! I believe wholeheartedly in KARMA. It always comes back. When you least expect it, it comes back. The karma of screwing over good people is a beast. I'm not perfect by any means but I do know that I am loyal. I'm super honest. Honesty has caused me to lose so called friends etc...but I don't care. I'm still going to keep it 100. You either respect the honesty or hate me for it. That's fine too. But I will never sugarcoat or misinform someone I care about when there is something they NEED to know and be warned about. That's just me. That's exactly what I expect back. This year taught me to only open up to a couple people. It's hard to hold things inside and you have to talk to SOMEBODY but all ears aren't helping ears. Some are just nosey and don't really have your best interest at heart. I pray 2018 is a year of minimal lows. No more hurt, pain, tears, and just plain CRAZY!!! Nothing worse than living what you think is your BEST life. Being "HAPPY" for the first time in a long time and realizing it was all a farce. Your reality wasn't real at all. That the wool had been pulled over your eyes for months. Things were just illusions....but then again...it was great. It was good. You were happy....but that's only because you didn't know everything that was happening around you. The manipulation. The deceipt. Life is so crazy. I try my best to stay positive now after being so pessimistic for YEARS. Every SINGLE time....I'm reminded of why I never just think positive. My smile gets ripped right away. My heart gets ripped in half. My happiness is snatched. The Happy Go Lucky rug is pulled right from underneath my feet. I'm left standing in the cold. Distraught. Hurt. Mad. Confused. Like damn, what kind of life did I lead in my past life?!?! A serial killer child molester dog abuser!?!? Sheesh. All I can do is continue to pray for the best. Not just for me but those in my life. I pray for their healing and brokenness that leads to destructive behavior that not only effects them but those around them and involved with them. I pray for a year of NEWNESS. HAPPINESS. I am so ready to have the life I dreamed of. The life I thought was beginning to surface. A happy life. A close to perfect life. Surrounded by nothing but genuine people. People with my best interest at heart. That I know without a doubt have my back and will have my back. Come on 2018....be GOOD! Be KIND!!! Don't let a sista down. I'm counting on you to erase all of the doubt and pain brought on by the madness in 2017. Although I shall forgive ....I will NEVER, EVER forget.

Goodbye 2016...it's been real!

Every year this is a blog post that I actually remember to do. The synopsis of the previous year. Well, 2016 was a pretty decent year for the most part. In comparison to the years prior....I gotta say it wasn't that bad on a very personal level. It was a year of loss for a lot of people close to me though so that sucked. I can say that this was a year of growth for me. Not like maturity but just moving on from certain situations and people. I made this post to Facebook on yesterday and this list could've gone on and on but I figured I'd just keep it to the Top 10: 10 Things I learned in 2016....1) I'm getting softer with age (in some aspects) 2) I give way more than I get in return (mostly my TIME), but that's life 3) Misery loves company and clearly I'm a loner because I don't have time 4) You can talk/deal with people EVERY day and still not know them 5) I got some REAL ONES on my team and I know who they are 6) Happiness looks good on me 7) More people say that they want the truth than can actually handle it 8) A private life is INDEED a happIER life 9) My patience (well lack of) is getting WORSE 10) lastly..be true to ME! Those who really care appreciate and love me for being exactly who I am. I had an emotional year. Ups and downs every which way but I learned many valuable lessons. Despite what people THINK about me I'm super giving and supportive of others but I've felt and seen that it's not necessarily reciprocated but yea you don't do things for people FOR the reward...yea yea...yadda yadda. The thing is, it feels good to have someone be there and look out for you and be there for you in the same capacity that you have and/or will for them. I say it all the time...I give what I expect back. Honesty included. I can't and will not sugarcoat so if you don't want the truth then I'm not the friend for you. It's not easy for me to sit back and watch the downfall of somebody when I feel as though I can help because I can SEE it coming. It's a gift. I swear it is to know what people are REALLY about. Some people are so naive and I hate to see naive people getting used and I am aware. I can't sit back...sorry and I wouldn't want any of my FRIENDS to sit back either. TELL ME what's up. I have never really been a real OPEN person to begin with. I keep my thoughts, hurts, situations, problems to myself for the most part. There are a very very limited few that allow to really really know what's good with me. I'm BETTER than probably 5+ years ago when I was borderline depressed and hid it from the world. Trying to stay busy to keep my mind off the troubles and thoughts of disappointment and unhappiness. Now I've opened up more but at the same time by the end of 2016 I started to hold back again. Not problems but just about my moves and life in general. Things just FEEL better! Life isn't perfect, there is always some BS lurking in the shadows but it's amazing what time can reveal and do. I had lots of fun in 2016 and I plan to continue to enjoy life as much as possiby in 2017 and beyond. Tomorrow isn't promised. 2016 showed that! Here today, gone tomorrow! No regrets...living life to the fullest. Cherishing those who are near and dear to my heart and letting those that I do love..KNOW IT and not just by actions but telling them and vice versa. 2017 will be for working on relationships/friendships. Visiting and reconnecting with people who we just keep saying we will link up and it doesn't ever happen. What happens when it's too late??? You can't get back that time you wasted. I just gotta do better. I can't help what others do..I can only control me and my own moves. I have to make adjustments though. Too much efforts to others who don't deserve it. Actually letting people and things bother me that I have to learn to just "not care" about I guess. That's not easy when you always want to LOOK out for everybody, but I gotta use those same thoughts and resources to look out for ME!!!! Not too many others are doing it...so hey...let me look out for me! It's cool...circle got smaller in one aspect but gained new "family" at the same time. I asked for CLARITY from the SOURCE (GOD) over the summer on certain situations and people. I asked that anything not for me be removed and if it's for me reveal it to my heart and mind and my how things changed. I "saw" everything I needed to see. Clearer than ever. 20/20 for the first time and blinders off. Things that I was concerned and unsure about soon changed for the better. Everything is a work in progress....just gotta keep working on it and at it and it turns out exactly how it's meant to. My #1 priority this year is ME and MINE. This is MY year and I'll grab it by the horns even if I have to do it all by myself...but I know I got some riders on my team who will be right by my side.

New opportunities...MONEY, MONEY, MONEY, MONEYYYYYY

So it's no secret that I do a bunch of things to make some extra "change" when I can. I always share the wealth though (not literally) but I do share what I do. Well here are a couple of other things and my old standby to do just that. The holidays are coming and now is a good time to get started putting some cash to the side for those holiday gifts. 1) Win cash! Winners picked EVERY 3 days. 166 winners for each drawing/Every 3 days. Register online or download the app on the App Store or Itunes Store. http://wynzyn.com/ or the app is called WynZyn. Use my referral code for 5 bonus entries: DGX1 2) Get cash back on BEER, WINE, & LIQUOR both in store and at restaurant & bars. (No particular locations necessary). Just submit a picture of your receipt and have money in your PayPal within 48 hrs. Browse ➡ Buy ➡ Snap ➡ Save Download the app (Android or iOS) Use my referral code: IAKLKABO, at Bevrage.com or click the link --> BevRAGE 🍸🍷🍹🍺 = 💵💰💲

I mean, come on..money for alcohol! That is awesome right!?!? 3) And I can't forget good old InstaGC This is my biggest cash cow. Right now they have a holiday bonus going on that allows you to increase the percentage of your bonus up to 10%. So you earn a bonus on top of your normal earnings. It's really easy this year to get that %age up. Good luck winning and Happy Earning! Trust me....I use these myself so they are LEGIT!!!

Ahhhhhh

I need a getaway!  No other info needed. 

2016...New Year. New Lessons. New Life.

I can't believe it's been almost a year since my last entry. Then again...yes I can. LOL Life, love, all that good stuff got in the way but I think it's time I came back. Writing has always been my outlet and it's always been my way to "vent" or get my feelings out as my words and intent seem to always be misunderstood. I've been utilizing the people around me to handle situations and get advice, to talk things out and get perspectives from another side, but lessons have been learned and I guess it's time to change. I guess the things I expect and appreciate from others I feel as though people close to me should also, but I was wrong. Caring too much and going too hard isn't looked upon as helpful anymore I guess. So I'll stay mute and write my thoughts to myself and the random readers of my blog to ingest. More and more I'm learning that nobody goes as hard for me as me. More and more I wish I could just pick up and start fresh elsewhere. Leave nothing but the memories here. My thoughts at times are all over the places, both good and bad. As I fight hard to keep back the bad thoughts, I realize what I do have and I'm grateful and thankful. I'm blessed. Regardless of the bad things that I endure pretty much daily. The hurt I encounter for just trying to do RIGHT. The "work" I put in that goes unappreciated. Nobody truly knows but me. Holding shit in isn't healthy but I guess it's time I go back to guarded, closed off Toya. In the end, it works out better for me! Me, myself, and & I.....100% loyal. Can't go wrong with these 3. The year wrap up post is coming soon. It's been a pretty positive year honestly but it's ending with the bullshit. I think the winter will be hell (not looking forward to it). Work is crazy, life is crazy, my relationships with certain people are now crazy,.....oh life. You throw hurdles at me all the time, but just know that I'm a professional jumper. What you will not do is STOP me. I'm in the race for the long haul....I'm still running...just waiting the be passed the baton. I will not LOSE! Whatever is meant to be for me, will be. Love, friends, career, goals, life...taking a step back and letting God be the driver. He's always had the keys, I've just been using the spares.

A Product Review --- An Honest One

So everyone knows that I love to try new things. I am a FREEBIE junkie and my mailman hates me...lol But I like to be the first to try out new things and share my honest opinion from on what I think of said products. So today will be one of those days. Let me begin with saying that I received this product for FREE for my honest and unbiased review. Today's products come from Curel and it was from my Curel Influenster Voxbox. I received a 1 oz sample of their Itch Defense Body Wash. I am a fan of wonderful scents so in that area..there really is nothing to report. There really isn't a scent to the body wash. I have sensitive skin so soaps and body wash I have to be very careful what I use. This gentle cleanser was not an issue for me and my skin. It is starting to get cold outside so itchy, dry skin can be an issue. I used to body wash and everything was fine. No itching. My skin wasn't particularly dry after or anything so this is a plus. Now the other product I received was a full sized bottle of Curel Itch Defense Instant Soothing Moisuturing Spray. Now I don't know if I was just half asleep or what but at first I was confused at how to use it. The top has a "lock" and I was trying to unscrew the top and all kinds of extraness. LOL After I figured it out *slaps forehead*, I sprayed some on my leg. I am not very fond of the smell of the spray and it also comes out with way more than I think it should. It looked like a foam on my leg and required me to rub it in. If I wanted to have to rub it in, I'd just get regular lotion so to be a SPRAY it was an EPIC FAIL to me in that sense. I think of buying a spray and just spraying and go. Not the case with this. It's been about 10 minutes and my leg is still very wet in the area I sprayed and NO I didn't just spray heavy. I did a quick burst and kept the bottle moving not just a straight stream in one spot. It's not bad but I personally don't think I'd buy this spray. The body wash I may purchase if I feel I'm having very dry skin issues but the spray I don't feel it's worth the efforts I have to put in to use it.

My how time flies. I haven't blogged since February! Sheesh. I know, I know...I have to do better. LOL What can I say, life gets in the way and even though writing is an outlet sometimes I just don't even feel like doing that. In a nutshell, life has been good for the most part. Of course there will always be some downs to go along with the ups. For a minute there, my mentals were full of DOWNS. I faked it like I do so well (or so I think). Nothing worse than feeling low and down and really not knowing the root of the problem. Being a funk is not healthy and it outright sucks. It's the product of holding your thoughts and feelings in for far too long and then just being on overload. I'm still a work in progress. I should take my own advice but let's face it...most of us don't do that. *sigh*

Since I last wrote, I finally took a REAL vacation for the first time since 1997. Sad right!?!? By real vacation I mean leaving the city/state for a WEEK. Not a weekend trip...not a visit to family...a REAL VACATION to escape it all and I must say it was much needed and totally helped. Now I have travel fever. I still haven't been anywhere else since but plans are definitely being made. All of that will come to a halt in a couple of weeks since I WON A TRIP TO VEGAS!!! Woot Woot!!! And the sad part is I almost deleted the winning email because I thought that it was spam. I mean, we know how spam is. SMH The internet is insane with SPAM!

I'm still making this "side cash" (see list in previous entry). InstaGC is still my #1 but I think since I created that list below I have added a few more cash cows and I will share the links in a follow up blog entry. I'm still getting freebies galore and pissing off my mailman and still entering contests. I won another fair and square for a hoverboard and apparently the guys running it just wanted to drive traffic to their You Tube video because I have heard nothing and the live leaderboard is still accessible and yea...umm your girl had a score 8x higher than the person who came in 2nd. I won honestly. No cheating. I shared my link like a rapper handed out his mixtape...and nothing. I'm not happy and am trying to best to FIND these individuals.

Anyway.....just a quick check in blog post. I'll be back with those links and more random babbles. For now....I'll just post my newest venture. Selling Spirit Lockets. What are Spirit Lockets...they are cute and wonderful ways to show your spirit and pride and love. You can get a necklace, a bracelet, a chain, and even a work lanyard. They make awesome gifts!!! Check out my site and get your very own Spirit Locket.

Uniique Designz Spirit Lockets

Until next time......

Things to do to earn cash, gift cards, etc

So this post will be a bit different.  Here I will let everyone in on things I do when I have downtime or I'm bored that help me earn money, gift cards, and savings etc.  When I'm not working like crazy and I'm just online or on my phone dibbling and dabbling, then I'm usually entering sweepstakes (yep, you can't and won't win if you do not enter).   That is almost like a part time though.  It pays off. I've had quite a few small and big wins as of late.   :-)    Anyways, here are the other things you can do (with explanation of what they are and what I typically do, as well as, my honest opinion on how they work.


1) INFLUENSTER - A community where there are various campaigns annually, in which you can earn "VoxBoxes" which contain complimentary full-size products to test and review.   This community also is a place to ask questions and provide answers to others pertaining to products, services, apps, etc.    I can say that I have received about 4 or 5 boxes since I joined, not so many as of late since the community has grown so big.   It's worth it though. Can't really complain about not receiving anything FREE.   Just make sure you actually complete the questionnaires and such and participate as much as possible to build up your "score" so that you can be eligible for boxes more often.

2) INSTAGC -  Complete offers, watch videos, play games, download apps, etc to earn points that can in turn be traded in for INSTANT giftcards such as Amazon.  They have a helpful chat and plenty of information.  You can find groups and such on Facebook that help you find big payout tasks  and those that credit quickly.   I personally really like InstaGC.  If I really buckled down and did more things, I'm sure I'd earn lots of points super fast.   The giftcards are in fact issues instantly.   Definitely a MUST that you join. Gift cards can be issued for  as low as $1.

3) VINDALE RESEARCH - Complete surveys to earn cash.   I can personally vouch that this is a legit company. I did one cash out already for $50 that I had deposited into my PayPay and I am well on my way to my next $50.   $50 is the minimum you can cash out for.  Now to keep it real, I rarely do the actual surveys unless they are for things I'm almost sure I'll qualify for like pets or entertainment.   The cool thing is they do contests ALL the time on their blog and Facebook for various amounts of money. They do a 50 cent contest daily (weekdays) and just ask a question and 20 people are selected and win 50 cents.  Sometimes this increases to $1.00.  That's how I basically rack up my cash from the daily contests or photo caption contests that they have.   It's not a QUICK money maker but it is truly legit.  If you like doing surveys then you'll definitely earn much faster.

4) SPRINGBOARD AMERICA - Another survey site to earn straight cash.   Payouts for me have averaged $1.75 for each that I qualify for and complete.  I can say that of all the survey based sites, I qualify for these pretty much moreso than not.   Depending on your personal lifestyle, livelihood, likes, and dislikes you may qualify for some pretty nice paid surveys.  Some worth up to $200 if completed. I have a few dollars in my account, but with so many others that I am working with and on, I don't get to spend but so much time at each individual site. I do like Springboard though.

5) RECEIPT HOG - Simply earn prizes by taking pictures of your receipts.  Walmart, Dollar Tree, Dollar General, etc.   Pretty easy.  I am pretty new to this, but my points are racking up quickly.  They also have daily spins and extra bonus spins you can earn.   I'll need more time to truly say yay or nay on this one.

6) FREE EATS -  Get paid to receive texts! Join now and get $1.25 in your PayPal account today.  I just joined and did in fact get two PayPal payments within the first 30 minutes of joining.  The first .25 basically verifies your account and then you get $1.00 a small time after.   A new campaign is starting soon so I'll see what this is really worth.   


HAPPY MONEY AND GIFT CARD earning! As I find other creative, fun and easy ways to earn a little extra change and prizes, I'll add on.   There are others that I am signed up for but haven't really done anything with them enough to RECOMMEND.  If anybody knows of others I should check out, be sure to comment and let me know.  :-) 

2014 - A Look Back

First of all, I can't believe that it's already the end of December. It feels like I was celebrating my birthday for 2014 and here it is less than a month away.   This year has been a pretty positive one for me.   In comparison to recent years, hell it's been GREAT.    Many things have changed, some stayed the same, and of course there are things that got worse.   I've moved (that's nothing new, hell I'm always moving lol).  Work has been the same but I feel a change coming in that area possibly in 2015, God willing.   In the search for my life's dream, a career more suited for what I LIKE to do has to be entered into the picture.  Love found ME in 2014.  Unexpected and almost story book.  Funny how stuff like that works.   Never would I have imagined that what I was looking for would come out of a dark place.   Our story is one nobody really knows but us and that's the beautiful thing about it.  Something so major yet so private.....lol  the mystery shall live on forever.  ;-)   Inquiring minds will always want to know THE STORY...and they'll always get the same generic answer.  Oh well.....lol

I've met many new people and established new relationships with people.  New connections and new "business" ideas have blossomed. So ready to get my creative juices back flowing.   It's been far too long and putting things I love to do on the back burner can no longer continue.  Some connections seemed to have been lost this year.  Not sure why but I guess that's life.  You win some..you lose some.   People need time and space, so hey you give it to them.   It is what it is.   If it's just that..then it's fine.  Usually, however, it's more to it than just that.   Assumptions get made, he said/she said, feelings usually aren't expressed which lead to misconceptions.....and in the end....relationships are scarred when in fact it's all total BS and no reason anything should've changed at all.   *shrugs* Again, this is life.  What can you do?    People will do what they will do and think what they will think, all you can do is continue to live.  

A lot of the lives around me changed this year too.  I've seen close friends celebrate some really BIG things (new careers, new loves, new FOREVERS, new babies) and I've seen plenty of losses (family members, jobs, marriages,...).   Lots of emotion....celebrating in one moment and being a shoulder to lean on the next.  Figuring out exactly what different individuals need at that moment....some need to be alone, some NEED you there, some want to talk, some just want you to listen.....it's not easy. All you can do is BE THERE and hope you get it right and if not, hope they understand that you did what you thought they needed in THAT moment. True friends understand that.....others...not so much.   You won't always get it right and well, that's alright.  

So what's next?   I had plenty of fun in 2014 but I didn't travel like I would like.  A vacation or two are on the agenda and planning has begun. Ideas are being thrown around and research has started.   More FAMILY time, more FRIEND time, and more ME time is a must in 2015.   I think I did pretty good with treating myself to things here and there but I still deserve to do ME more often.  I work hard and hey..playtime is also needed to keep life well balanced.    There are goals I have set for 2015.   Things I would like to see happen and changes I want to make.   My eye is on the prize..NOW to just put in the work required to achieve these things.    The PRESSURE is on........  if it's in God's plan....these things will be brought into existence.  

Oh, Influenster

Sooo...it's been awhile since I blogged.   What, you may ask, have I been up to?  Ohhhh just getting and reviewing wonderful products and samples.   How, you may ask!??!  Well I joined the lovely site Influenster (www.influenster.com)  in Dec 2011.   It's been cool so far.  Earning badges by answering questions, doing small surveys, and providing feedback from the VoxBoxes (product boxes) that I receive.  Now they even have a mobile app available for both iOS and Android.  Making activities so much more convenient.  I just downloaded my Android InfluensterApp on yesterday and jumped right into getting my badge for it.

I've received quite a few VoxBoxes. I've discovered many great products through these boxes.  I fell in love with the Luxor chocolates I received and went out and bought my own.  I've stepped outside of the box and tried various colors of nail polish that I wouldn't normally venture into because I have received them in a box or 2.  

Influenster has definitely opened my eyes to new and exciting foods, drinks, health and beauty products, and a list of other things.   I am glad that I signed up and joined the team.   If you'd like to venture into doing the same, I urge you to sign up for yourself.  You can go here to sign up!  

What About Your Friends

Everybody has their own idea of what being a friend is.   Everybody has their own requirements.  Some seem way far fetched to me but hey, different strokes for different folks.  My idea of a friend is someone who is available when needed (keyword is NEEDED).  It's not necessary for me to talk to him/her 24 hrs a day or to hear from them daily.  If you about your business, have a personal life, etc...then you should not have time to be in contact all day every day.  I understand that life gets in the way, however, if something goes down and a shoulder to lean on is needed  or a venting session is required, then this person should be there.   Social Media is killing friendships. Why!? Because people think likes and comments and other BS validate friendship.  WRONG!  

Another point of a friendship is knowing wholeheartedly that you can TRUST this person.  I should be able to tell you ANY and EVERY little thing and not feel judged.  A personal opinion can be given and is appreciated, but understood that that is THEIR opinion or plan and that I might listen to it but not follow it.  Differences are great and often times bring people together as friends.  They just have to be respected and understood.   Not all of my friends are unemotional like me, in fact, most aren't.   Some of my friends are fashion bugs and name brand "whores" (I use this term NOT in the true sense), meanwhile I'm pretty plain Jane and could care less about a name brand to be honest.  I'm a tech junkie, so I'll take a new cell phone over a Coach wallet or a tablet over a Michael Kors purse.  LOL    That's just me.   Do you and I'll do me!  Just don't ask my opinion when I say you are crazy for paying $400 for a purse if you don't want my blunt and honest answer.   Blunt and honest is what I do best.

Sometimes is a fine line between time and distance with friends.   If you are putting forth all efforts, then it seems kind of one sided and as if there is an issue that is not being brought forth.  Especially when nothing has happened that should bring any friction.   I typically just take it as somebody doing their own thing and just needing their own time, but on the other hand if at some point it feels strange, I'll just flat out ask. If the response is nothing, then hey I take it as it is.  Proceed with life because a friend would be straight up and honest if there is something they are dealing with or if they are in their feelings about something.   I've found that half the time the "issue" isn't even an issue, but a total misunderstanding .  I've been there so many times.  What you think someone meant or said or heard isn't even correct.  You just have to KNOW the ins and outs of a person.   To be a FRIEND this is a must anyway.   You have to know a person 100%.    That's the thing....only my TRUE friends know me.  I'm not one to let people in easily and especially not into the vulnerable parts of me.  There's so much that so many people don't even know and if they did, they'd understand me so much more....but I'm guarded for so many reasons but I'm thankful for the handful who have managed to break down the walls and see the TRUE me!  Who understand and accept me completely!   They aren't just friends...to me they are family!  

Trying to understand

People confuse me. I thought I was hard to understand (to most), but recently I've witnessed or experienced dealings with some people that I'm just like ummm okay. I get that certain people are private. I am one of them, however, when you are selective in what you want private and how things are handled is when I have to lift an eyebrow. What I mean by this is, on one hand you don't want people "worrying about you and yours" but then in other situations, you want privacy, you got secrets, and you want space. Then on the other hand you get in your feelings when individuals don't congratulate you or offer up sympathy or ask you about something that seemingly was a big secret. Someone like me, when I'm dealing with stuff and I don't mention it to YOU, then I probably feel it's none of your business. This is a sign that I don't want to talk to YOU about it or that I don't feel I want to speak to you about it (at least not right now). So if by some chance you do find out or sense it's something and I brush you off, say I'm okay, mention not wanting to talk about it right now....then that's it. Leave it be. Space...give me space. So because I'm that way, I give space to those who I know are dealing with whatever. Not going to hound and if someone around you gives the update or some kind of clarification then that's all I need. If you want ME to know whatever, then you'll come to me. Soooo you keep the *ish* to yourself and then you have an attitude when you don't get a "reaction" from me. Well, I'm still in the dark. YOU have not told me anything. I don't assume and I don't take what's blowing in the wind as the truth. So if you want reaction from me, then YOU need to be telling me what's going on. People are just mad funny to me. I stopped trying to understand folks a long time ago. Want attention but don't want attention! And well, I just don't give attention heauxs attention. It just wouldn't be right.

You Must Not Know Bout Me

It's funny how people who KNOW you act like they don't know you. What I mean is, they act like they don't know how you get down. What pisses you off? What you will and won't do? What your reactions to certain things are? Those kind of things. For instance, those who really know me know I ride HARD for my FRIENDS and FAM. I also do not use the word FRIEND loosely. If you are part time, off and on, and on that bullsh*t ... you are NOT on my list of friends. You are an associate (if I give you that much credit). So why anyone who KNOWS me thinks it's okay to text, KIK, inbox, email, call and INQUIRE on some nosey/gossip sh*t about a FRIEND of mine is beyond me. First and foremost, anything you want to know about them, you need to ask THEM. You not getting that from me. If you have issue with them and ESPECIALLY if they have issue with you, more than likely so does Toya. Wronging a FRIEND is like WRONGING me. Sometimes I question if people are as loyal to ME as I am to them. I'm sure some aren't but as long as I don't hear or see the shade then what I don't know doesn't hurt me. Another thing I can't stand, when an individual just blatantly wants to be nosey about stuff. I don't hear from you for anything besides trying to get some scoop. Please dismiss yourself. Where were you 2 weeks ago when I was sick!?!? Not in my inbox checking to see if I was okay. Where were you when I had a reason to be extremely happy!?!? Not texting me to say congrats and offer your well wishes on it. But LET something pop off and clearly I know something about it...here YOU go. SMH..just outright rude and annoying. I remember a time when I would deal with people on a "just because" basis. Like, I would deal just because I hated being bored and this person likes to hang out. Well as of 2013, I ended that routine. I don't have time for just because or Part Time Pals. I keep it 100. If I can't confide in you or depend on you, then I have no use for you. I make myself available 24/7 for those I care about. I work alot and I try to play alot too. But in between it all, I have TIME for who and what I want to have time for. Yes, life can get in the way of some things, but that's when you are considerate enough to let people know that you can't do this or that. A little consideration of other people's time goes a long way. I hate nothing more than to have my time wasted. I could be doing something else, waiting on you. Oh the drama and anger that could be reduced with a simple TEXT to say "I'm late", "I can't make it" , "something came up". And spare the lies...if you don't WANT to do something then don't say that you do. If you did at first and then your mind changed, SAY SO. I have so much respect for the truth but I have absolutely none for lies and decept. And the end of the day, it's your time and your decisions to make but at the same time, don't waste mine with the bullsh*t. I can't get that time back but what I can do is no longer set aside any for the habitual offender. My life and time is just as precious as the next, we aren't promised the next second, minute, or hour. People make alot of excuses about why they can't do this or that, and I still feel that you make time for who and what you want. For some it's easier than others, but again you can still make time. A visit, a call, a text...they are all quick and easy ways to give time to someone. Social media has definitely shown and opened my eyes to people's time usage. It's rather amusing actually. I'm very observant so I peep things the average person doesn't....while others are putting 2 and 2 together, I'm seeing 3 and 1. It is what it is though. People are going to do what they do....but what can you do!?!? I know what I can do...not deal with it! *chucks the deuces* I'm at a happy point in my life. I'm pretty private (even seen through this blog since I never mention names or point out specifics), I've kept alot of lows in the last few years hidden and not too many people even know. Last year this time, I was pretty depressed I'd say. I had alot on my mind and that I was dealing with that I couldn't even really talk about because it would just open up older wounds that nobody really knows/knew about so instead I kept it all in and dealt with is as best I knew how. I had a few people who genuinely were concerned an encouraged me to keep my head up and I appreciated it. What a difference a day makes!!!! I'm private for one, it decreases the chance for drama and two...when I share things it seems like things fall apart so I've learned to stay hush at least for awhile. I claimed a year better than the last and I must say in most aspects 2014 has been just that. We're halfway in and I can't wait to see what else is store. I'm sure more huge surprises for me and involving me. ;-) I feel like I'm tuned into my OWN show. Looking from the outside in, it's kinda unreal but I love it! I'm going to try to blog more. It's like FREE therapy. Since people have asked and I've been slacking, I'll do my best to write SOMETHING if not several times a week, then maybe at least once a week (I'm sure that won't happen, but I'll try). Until next time......

Oh wow..

Damn, I haven't been around here in a hot minute. I'll be back though. A lot has happened since my last post. Plenty of things to speak on. Changes, good things, bad things, outlooks, plans......so many things. I'll definitely be back. I've been hit up by quite a few "followers" who noticed my blogging absence and I've been encouraged to step my game up. I'm listening and I'll be back to my "blog therapy" in the next week or 2. :-)

2013 - Reflections of the year

On a rating scale of 1-10 with 1 being HORRIBLE and 10 being AWESOME…I give 2013 about a 6.   It was no 1997 by any means.  That year, although it had a lot of accomplishments and good events, it was also the hardest and toughest year of my 34 …almost 35 *cough* years on God’s green Earth .  This year has had its share of ups and downs for me.   It’s been very eye opening to those around me DEFINITELY.   When you sit back and observe, it’s amazing what you see and learn.    I’ve learned some very valuable lessons.   Some that I already knew were reinforced.    I learned that people are either going to love and respect me for being the person I am or they are going to totally despise me for it.  This I knew, but I reinforced the fact that that’s totally fine by me.   When it’s all said and done, Toya can and will ONLY be Toya.   I’m tough and I hold people to certain standards. Especially  when it comes to friends and friendship. What I would do for my FRIENDS I expect them to do for me!!   Associates, that’s a different story and the problem is, some people don’t know which list they are on with me.   I’ll just say this….there are VERY few on the FRIENDS list.  Trust and believe that these people know this as I have made it known to them in more ways than one.   When it comes to my friends, anyone who wrongs THEM has wronged ME.   Anyone who feels they can come to ME with any of these people and talk sh** about them are in for a rude awakening….now an ASSOCIATE….I don’t care.   Talk until your blue in the face…but if it’s one of my RID E OR DIE…Friend for lifes….trust and believe you might as well have been saying it to THEM.   Yes, I speak up for my FRIENDS and I expect them to speak up for me.  If you don’t…well then…I guess we aren’t friends and you will be dismissed .    It’s that simple.   I have no problem with pink slips.   It’ll be like you never existed.

I’ve learned this year that one of my CLOSEST friends is actually the FARTHEST away.   It’s crazy how things fall into place and indeed people are placed into your life at the right time and in the right place.   When someone can relate to you and understand that sometimes you just need and want to vent and don’t want to hear the typical “just pray on it” , “don’t let it stress you out”,  “just ignore it”……trust that’s been done and has not lessened the level of PISSED off you are or hurt.    Being the kind of person that I am, I definitely can’t deal with those TYPICAL response people.  I’m REAL and I KEEP it REAL….and if you don’t know WHAT to say then just shut the hell up.    That’s my philosophy.  Nothing worse than someone half a$$ knowing what’s going on or what you are dealing with who think the solution to every situation is truly simple when it is not.    On the outside looking in, a lot of people assume certain things about me and my life and don’t know the half.   I listen and provide my advice and opinions all day every day, and few know the struggles and weights I carry in my life on the daily, things that if they were known to most, they’d understand my strength and also why I am detached from most. Trust issues…nope I don’t have them….but a lack of tolerance and patience for lies and BS I do have.  I’ve never been one to sugarcoat so I DESPISE when someone does that with me.   Just keep it real, even if it’s something I don’t want to hear or won’t be happy with, I’d rather you tell me that and let me be upset and get over it…then find out the REAL and let’s just say..there ain’t no getting over it.    I don’t really feel I hold grudges…instead I just have an Advanced Level Ignore Game.    It’s like you never existed once you have crossed me enough.   Even when you  have patterns of BS and I expect you to do certain things, at some point..ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!

I’ve met a lot of new and exciting people this year.    I expect bigger and better outings that will probably create even more friendships in 2014.   I am thankful for being a huge part in bringing a bunch of people who would’ve probably never met together and form new bonds and times of fun and excitement.   It’s rare to find more than a handful of girls who can vibe together without the petty drama who don’t really know one another and come from varying backgrounds with very different personalities.   Which brings me to my next point…2013 has also let me witness the true colors of a few people. Colors that I can’t deal with….Crayola wouldn’t even put them in the 64 count box.   Social Media is a blessing and a curse. It allows people a false sense of toughness and at the same time, it allows people to show who they TRULY are off the cellphone and computer screens.   The ugliness rears its head eventually.  It’s kinda funny but at the same time it’s sad.  Again, when you sit back and watch, you learn PLENTY.

As this year comes to an end in less than a week, I reflect back and I am thankful for those who offered shoulders to lean on, who were there when they didn’t even know I was dealing with some things, who helped me stay positive when I truly didn’t want to.   I have flaws and I struggle all the time about my life and where I want it to go as opposed to where it’s going and where I thought it would be right now. Everything is in a bigger plan and I am taking it day by day, but I’m human and though I’m thankful at the same time I have days that I’m just not happy with what IS.    And I am entitled to do that…..without judgment or stupid, scripted words.    *side eye*   For the last few months, I’ve been the most unhappy I’ve been in ages.   I’ve tried to grin and bear it, tried to stay busy and occupy myself with things and all that did was temporarily pacify my thoughts but once the fun and excitement is over, back to the same uneasiness, unhappiness, and

disappointment.      Thankfully yet again….unexpected things have occurred in recent weeks and my mindset and emotions have changed. One day at a time….but I have a REALLY good feeling about this.

Guess we shall see……….

HAPPY HOLIDAYS and HAPPY NEW YEAR to all!!!

2013.....Almost over

It's crazy....it's day 304 of the year (yea I didn't count...this is a daily number I use for work purposes). Looking back at 2013, I can say it's been a pretty decent year. It's brought about both good and bad. I can say I've lost a few "associates" and I've gained a few friends. That's definitely #WINNING! I've learned where some people's priorities really are and also that some people just aren't honest or loyal. If people aren't honest with themselves then you damn sure can't expect to get honesty from them thrown your way. My thing is this...just be real and straight up. If you are going to be a liar or trying to tell a lie, BE GOOD AT IT! Don't waste my time or yours with the bull. I see right through it. It's a shame that grown women and men can't just keep it 100. Instead they gotta manipulate and deceive in order to avoid certain things. I don't know about anybody else but don't pacify me with a lie. I'm really good at finding out the truth, so if you think you are saving face or staying in good graces with the lie(s)...WRONG!! Once the truth is known..it's a wrap!! I'm done with the situation and your lies...and YOU! I did kinda slack on my web design classes. They been put on pause for a minute while I get my head on straight and focused. I've had so much going on and with my work hours, my focus wasn't there. 2014 though....it's on and poppin' once again. The thoughts of moving away are starting to pop back in my head also. I really missed out not moving back in like 2002 when I originally wanted to. It wasn't meant to be then and change can still happen. I just have to really think about it. Where? When? How? I didn't even really get away much this year. I went out here and there. Again...being the organizer and planner for almost everything. BLAH! That gets old... but I still need to just up and hit the highway. Not sure if that will happen in these last like 61 days or not. It's getting cold and the holidays are coming. I think I'll just wait it out a little bit longer. Trying to come up with plans for my birthday in Jan. The big 3-5 on the 12th. Where did the time go? I swear I felt like I was 33 for like 4 years...and I don't comprehend I'm 34 until I sit back and do the math when someone asks me my age. Sad!! I don't mind saying my age unlike most....since most don't usually believe it. I'm good with that. LOL I just hate what follows...?? Why you single? NO KIDS?? Really NO KIDS? You don't want kids. *Sigh* Yes I'm single. NO I don't have any kids. Yes I do want ONE (yea I had to change that dream of 2 to 1 with my late....er....later start on motherhood. If it's in the cards.it'll happen. Hope is kinda lost on that one. But I guess we shall see because Jan 12th, 2015 the factory will be CLOSING!! I'm not really a big holiday person. So I'm not hype over Christmas or anything. I usually enjoy Thanksgiving and then I'm ready for my birthday. I'm something like a Scrooge I guess. It just lost it's hype. I usually already know what everybody is getting me since they ASK me what I want. I don't think I'm hard to shop for but rumor has it...I REALLY AM!?!? I don't think that's accurate. But oh well.... Well...until next time..I think I've done enough babbling. *Smooches*

25 Things That I Love

Yea, yea...I just can't get back on track with this blogging thing. Life's been kind of busy and some things I just choose to NOT put out there in the blogosphere. So I ran across this note that I did like 3 years ago on Facebook and figured I'd make it a blog entry. It needed some updating...so here you have it: 1. God 2. Family 3. Real Friends 4. Jigga 5. Money 6. Being Me 7. Cooking desserts 8. Being spoiled (so rare....) 9. Having a good time 10. Honesty 11. Proving people wrong 12. Mom dukes cooking 13. HIM (and he don't even know it!) :-( 14. Technology 15. Eating food (so greedy) 16. Wearing Black 17. Animals 18. Warm weather 19. Traveling but NOT driving 20. Kool Aid 21. Writing Poetry 22. Being loved by those I love 23. Music 24. Being ON TIME 25. Those who appreciate me and the things I do for them.

It's been awhile

Didn't realize I hadn't blogged in almost 6 months. WOW....it's funny how it really hasn't been much going on or changes yet SO MUCH is different. Since over half the year is gone, I can say 2013 has been on the positive side for me and those around me. I've seen alot of new beginnings, new relationships, new friendships, and new experiences. I've also seen NEW attitudes and NEW personas pop up out of others. And to those people, I have to go Sweet Brown....and I have no time for that! It's funny. Me and a few of my friends joke about starting a Private Investigators company. It's so amazing how much I see, hear, find out, and KNOW that people think I don't. It also amazes me how people lie when it's not even necessary. Why do people offer up lies? Come up outta nowhere with a lie when nobody cares or asked. Oh...that's right...it's to get attention. I'm low key. Never been one asking for or seeking attention. Usually when you out there seeking it in the thirstiest of ways, you end up getting the kind of attention that you DO NOT want. To those Sahara Desert thirsty a$$ chicks/dudes....I feel for you. Good luck with that. Right now, I'm just working, working, and more working. The school thing has kinda been on hiatus for a few months. Just not focused but I'll get back to it when it starts getting cold. At least that's the plan. Not much else to really report. In need of a getaway, if it's only for a quick weekend or hell...just a day would do me some good right about now. Guess I better try to work on that. Guess I'll end here until motivation hits me to speak on something else....right now..I'm drawing a blank! :-) Until next time.... (which I will try not to make it another 5+ months) I really need to write more. It's my emotional outlet and Lord knows I have alot of hidden emotion and thoughts I need to express. Just not right now. *sigh*

Still alive and well...

So I haven't blogged in a minute. Been quite busy. Celebrated my birthday pretty much all of January so I was away living life. 2013 has been interesting thus far, to say the least. Already learned quite a few lessons and reaffirmed my beliefs in other things that I already know. When people show you who they are...believe it. Never been one to have blinders on....I just sometimes tend to TRY to give the benefit of the doubt (not as much as most others) but clearly I have to reduce that even further. People are a TRIP!!!! There's been alot weighing heavy on my mind lately. I've always been pretty private when it comes to really really deep things. Not one of much emotion, I've never been really open about the worst of the worst when it comes to me. Always being the EAR for others....I tend to not really open up about my deepest and darkest of thoughts. Very few know my entire struggle. My ups and downs. My experiences. What has made me the person they've grown to know and probably not exactly understand. Yes I have a few people that I can clearly confide in..and I have but it's like I have certain people who know some things and others who know others. Only 1 or 2 actually know pretty much all I deal with mentally...emotionally. I don't know how healthy that is...but I guess it's better than having nobody at all. Life is just funny sometimes....the way things fall into place. People come and go..and some come back again. Things you didn't notice before...feelings you never paid attention to...feelings you THOUGHT you had. Crazy how it all works! I'm taking it all one day at a time. Hopefully my mind will be clear soon. I need a vacation. That's a start. Some time away from the familiar and same ol' same ol' surroundings that only add to my frustration and stress. It's time for a serious CHANGE. New experiences..new people. Something has to give!